What am I to do? My dad walks around with a very large sum of money and his passbook savings account in his pockets. I cant get him to stop doing this. He becomes irate when I mention it to him. I don't take him to the bank anymore because of this. Dad has been with me seven months and hasn't given me anything toward household expenses. I pay for a lot of things out of my own pocket. I even pay someone to sit with him while I go to church and this has cost me quite a bit. I pay all his expenses even down to his medications..

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Dad had been with your 7 months and hasn't "given" you money toward his upkeep. Why should he "give" you money? Is it your birthday or Flag Day or something?

Dad should be PAYING you money. It is not a gift and the amount and timing should not be up to him. Did you discuss this with him seven months ago? Or did you just assume he'd "give" you money out of the kindness of his heart? A calm business-like discussion with him about paying his own way is long overdue. Paying you is nonnegotiable. He's been there long enough for you to have a realistic view of the added expenses and also the amount of your time caring for him takes. Set an amount and when it is due. If you can't bring yourself to do this, then at least realize that that was your decision and stop fretting that Dad isn't giving you money.

I got my husband (with dementia) to stop carrying a checkbook around with him by mentioning "identity theft." Maybe that would work about the passbook. As for carrying a lot of cash, my brother does that, too, and it worries me, but if your father is a competent adult (no dementia) then I guess he can take risks with his money and his safety.

It is hard to get used to the shifting roles when a parent moves in. You are the landlord and your father is a boarder. Obviously this isn't your main relationship with him, but it is an important one, and one that you need to treat in a business-like way.
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What is he 16? Sit him down and tell him he has to pay for something. As for walking around with cash, etc., he is asking to be robbed. There are plenty of people who will take him up on it.

Let me guess, he is one of those guys who no one can tell anything to, right? Knows everything and will not listen to good advice. Is he one of those parents who thinks you "owe" him since he raised you?

I am seeing more and more of the "Greatest Generation" have problems with letting go of the control. They aren't that easy to deal with. My mother is the same, however, she expects us all to jump and "do for" her. That is what dad did. She is very healthy and financially well off. But she also doesn't want to carry her weight. She is now angry about having to pay a penalty because she refused to sign up for Medicare Part D on time. Her fault, her penalty.

My brother lives near her, he refuses to cut her lawn (she would let him) or do her yard work. he has a full plate as it is. He works long hours as most people do today. If she needs anything done around the house, she can't pick up the phone and call a repairman. But she thinks that is my brother's job. What???? She won't get a cell phone so my brother had her added to his family plan. Now she is the only one on the family plan and my brother still pays for it. She can well afford a cell phone.

I just hope when I get older I am not as much trouble as some of these parents are. I want to pay my way and never be a burden to my children. I think that is what a loving parent should do.

Now that I have preached a sermon, I feel better. Haaa......have a good day.
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Has your dad always had a need to be in total control of money by physically hanging onto something that represents it? Is he by nature stingy, generous, frugal, careful or what? Much depends on how you answer that question I suppose. I see no reason you should finance his existence out of the kindness of your heart, when he's able to pitch in with at least HIS food, & HIS care etc. But like I said, a lot depends on how he is by nature.
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