First of all my wife and her brother do not get along ! (remember) In 2009 we lost our home like a lot of others. (no work) My MIL ask us to move in with her and we did though I didn't want to. Now ahead to 2013 and the doctor has MIL's drivers license revoked, she thinks it was our doing, this is when the trouble all starts. Also the doctor put her on Coumadin (blood thinners) and her son told her we were trying to kill her because Coumadin is a rat poison, now things really start to unravel. Before all the things the doctor did things went smoothly with my wife & myself driving her everywhere she needed to go. My wife also started watching over her banking after a few missed payments and bank fines. We also did all the house work inside and out plus paid her elecrtic bills because of the extra people in the house hold. My wife's brother also got her to lie in court that I held a rifle on her and threaten her which got me removed from the home for 3 months in the middle of the winter. I got to move back in when the truth was told. Now ever 4-5 days a week we hear I'm getting you out of my house with a lot of screaming and threats. Her daughter has POA and conservatorship and conservator of her money. Been to court and the judge ask her son if he wanted to take care of his mother and he said NO as fast and loud as he could but still causes problems. After I got back into the home 1 1/2 years ago I still take care of her house work inside and out and my wife still does all the cooking etc but the arguments still go on. We have no life of our own, no friends will come over because of her actions and we can't go anywhere and leave her alone now that she's 93. She says we're living off her and taking advantage of her. This bothers both my wife and myself because that's what she tells people on the phone. She will not go into a home and her son and 2 granddaughters do nothing for her but call and get her going (arguing & threats & screaming) again. I know were not taking advantage if her but what do you think others are thinking and what should we do. I'm 73 and just getting over lung cancer and my wife is 67 and diabetic. HELP ! Any answers should help. (theres other issues too like bathing, hygiene, etc.)

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When you say " her daughter has conservatorship", do you mean your wife?
Doesn't that mean that by law, your wife determines where she lives?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

I agree with everything that the other people have said. It is time for you to take care of you! Start looking for housing now. At age 93, your MIL may die tomorrow or she is just ornery enough to live to be 100:) So think about the future, if your MIL died tomorrow, what are your plans for housing? I wouldn't be surprised that Brother kicks you out of Mom's house as soon as MIL's funeral is over. :(

You have been "through the wringer" as they say, and I don't think that you need to go through again. Take care of yourself. Let her daughter who has POA and conservatorship and conservator of her money (along with brother) find someone to take care of MIL.
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Reply to DeeAnna

Find Senior housing. They go by your income. You can get help with utilities and food. Call your local Office of Aging. Don't say anything till its a done deal. Then tell brother Mom is his responsibility since he has never seemed to want you in Moms house. You having Cancer and wife with diabetes don't need the stress.
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Reply to JoAnn29

"She will not go into a home." Well, then, it is up to her POA to figure out how to provide care when you move out, which you should do as soon as possible.
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Reply to jeannegibbs

This sounds mighty mean--but self preserving.

You and wife must be receiving SS, right?

Move out. You can find a low income apartment. Work with your agency on aging and get help to free yourselves from this toxic arrangement.

Let the rest of the family deal with mom. POA sister? Let her BE the POA.

The drama alone in this family will make your healing so much harder. You guys need to take of you. You have done enough. Self care from now on.

Probably a lot more you're not sharing...and that's OK.

Just, get away. Start today and don't look back.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Midkid58

Have you thought about getting an injunction against the in-laws to prevent them from harassing you and your wife? Perhaps just the threat of legal action against them might keep the siblings from meddling.

If you want to start lightly though, hire an attorney to advise them to stand down and stop libeling and slandering you.

I also think that it's time to consider a placement for MIL. Start the Medicaid process and start looking for Medicaid facilities. Can the daughter who handles her affairs take her?

But as a better option, find a home of your own; being depending on MIL for living arrangements places you in a prime position to be abused. Extract yourself from this very negative situation.
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Reply to GardenArtist