My mother is 73 years old. I need information as to how she can live with us instead of a nursing home. - AgingCare.com

My mother is 73 years old. I need information as to how she can live with us instead of a nursing home.

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She has dementia and is currently in a nursing home in Westerville, I need some help to find a place for her, myself and my husband, I don't want her to be in a nursing home, we all have incomes but I don't know where to go with these issues, she needs 24/7 care, she is wheelchair bound and has dementia among other health issues. If there is someone that can help me find a place that we can all be together instead of her being in a nursing home. I am torn and desperate because she doesn't deserve to be alone, I am trying to do the best I can but financially I am pretty tight with funds. Please if there's a way that we can get some help or information as to how can I have her live with us instead of a nursing home. Thank you for your time.


Sincerely,


Anissa (Anni)

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Upending your entire life so your terminally ill mother isn't alone--is sweet and thoughtful, but pretty much a very negative experience for al involved.

Your mother is getting round the clock care. It may not be to your "standards", but could you honestly care for her 24/7 and never get tired or out of sorts?

She will still need in home aides, that is costly. You will probably have to retrofit a house to make it wheelchair accessible. Also costly. Also a bathroom, bedroom and wherever she is going to be most of the day.

As she has dementia, does she really care where she is? Or are you projecting onto her what you are feeling? She may be perfectly happy (or as happy as she is going to be) right where she is.

I'd say to take the holidays to mull this over. I wouldn't make ANY steps to moving her in with you. It will eventually consume your entire life--and your hubby is OK with this? If I moved Mother in with us, he'd move out.

You aren't saying any reasons why you want her to be home--is the care poor quality? Are you feeling super guilty for not caring for her at home? I think there's something deeper going on here.

Most people on these sites are desperately TRYING to get their folks to go INTO long term care...it's unusual to see someone trying to get their folks OUT of it.
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Anissa (Anni), I know this may be hard to hear, but your mother is exactly where she needs to be--in a nursing home because she needs 24/7 care, she is wheelchair bound and has dementia among other health issues.
What do you mean "because she doesn't deserve to be alone"? Your mother isn't alone in the nursing home. The nursing home is/should be staffed with CNAs and nurses 24/7. Is possible that you don't like the nursing home that she is currently in? If so, you can research other nursing homes in the area and maybe move your mother into one of them.
You mention that you are "pretty tight with funds", are you wanting to move your mother into your home because you think that this will reduce the financial cost of her care?
Are you prepared to quit your job and take care of your mother 24/7?
Please read some of the other questions and posts in which people have taken care of loved ones in their homes and see how just how much time and energy (and money) it takes to care for someone in your home.
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AnniC, may I ask why your Mom was placed in a nursing home to begin with? This would give us a better understanding of the situation.
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