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86 yr old mom told us she had dementia and Parkinson’s so we worked together with her to create a care plan. With her involvement and consent every step of the way, a m month ago we moved her to a senior living community close to us and she arranged for an estate sale and made arrangements to sell her home and car.
my 26 yr old daughter bought her car in cash for a price my mother set from kelly blue book.
since moving into her new apartment, she claimed to love, she has quit cold turkey her 13 daily meds and has turned on us, accusing us of kidnapping her, cheating her out of her car, and trying to sell her house out from under her. She has made multiple calls to friends and random numbers to tell them these things. When I told her we have texts that show her active collaboration and agreement, she claims her phone is hacked and being used to text me those conversations from her number.
i do not have - nor do I want - POA or access to her finances. She has signed all contracts on her own. I have paid everything out of pocket since she decided to move up here, around $10k so far.
she is threatening elder abuse and although I have clear evidence that shows her agreement, I would like to avoid court time and costs.
do I file a cease and desist? What does one do in this situation? She has told her neighbors not to give me access to her house. I do not have any reason to drive three hours and go to her house.
I believe she needs an assessment to check out the effects of going off her meds cold turkey and also a mental health assessment.
side note: she saw a new neurologist last week who said she has zero dementia and zero Parkinson’s. Were used to her being a hypochondriac, but she is using this news to say we’ve been holding her captive and she is perfectly healthy.
she cancelled her 90 day lease today at her senior housing place, and claims I am responsible for the 90 day financial obligation since I took her against her will. All false.
what do people do in this situation. I have chosen to step back as main caregiver since she is targeting me.

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You are not responsible. You have proof that she agreed to everything. If the nuerologist says she has zero Parkinson's and zero dementia, then she made her own choices to sell her property and to move.

It's good that you do not have POA for her because that would be a nightmare. Your best bet is to call APS (Adult Protective Services) and tell them she was lucid (with medical documentation to prove it) up until recently when she stopped taking her meds. Tell them about her paranoid and reckless behavior and ask them to visit her. Also, ask the local police to do regular wellness checks on her. They will.

Your mother is clearly out of it and belongs in assisted living or memory care. An independent senior community is not suitable for her anymore. Speak to the police and to APS.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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caregiver008 Sep 4, 2025
Why is the POA bad? For just this situation?
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Start by getting her tested for a Urinary Tract Infection. These can cause sudden changes in mental status.

My husband's mom told him she was going to report him for elder abuse because he told her she needed to stop smoking (she had COPD).

He gave her back the keys to her apartment and said "have a nice life, Mom."

Stepping away may be the best thing if you are a trigger.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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It is very unlikely that you will actually end up in court. She would have to find an attorney who 1. Believes her and 2. Thinks she has a case she can win.

Stop paying for her, sort and save your evidence, and know you tried your best.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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"she saw a new neurologist last week who said she has zero dementia and zero Parkinson’s. "

If you aren't her PoA then how did you learn this information? If she told you, then please consider the source.

Take the good advice others have given you -- especially to attempt to get her checked for a UTI.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You step back and call APS .
You can also call your mother’s County Agency of Aging . Tell them she’s not taking meds etc , a drastic change is noted .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Thank you all, these answers have been super helpful.
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Reply to Emonette
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She sounds similar to my mother, she would accuse us of getting into her phone and messing with it, accused us of possible theft (though we’ve paid out of pocket close to 100K on her legal fees) plus other outlandish accusations. She’s done well by showtiming at the appropriate times to snow the right people. Take BurntCaregivers advice, she knows!
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Reply to GSDlover2
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She needs her meds. Talking to her about it will be useless. She won’t, she can’t, and will not listen to you. She either needs to be brought to the ER or given her meds by trickery. Unfortunately this is how it is. Also, no one will believe her accusations. I’ve been through it. The doctors know. The nurses know. It’s all fabrications. They always attack the ones that give all to them.
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Reply to Myraesq
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You mentioned that she stopped taking all meds. Have you notified her doctor by calling the office and mentioning that you are concerned about her so that something is written in the record?
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Reply to MACinCT
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"She has signed all contracts on her own. I have paid everything out of pocket since she decided to move up here, around $10k so far." Stop paying anything. Good luck getting that money back. G-d bless you for trying to take care of a difficult parent. Now just take care of yourself. It will get worse and you should not be the victim.
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Reply to DrBenshir
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