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She recently moved from Oklahoma to Missouri because she could no longer manage on her own. She was always falling. Home health was there for 30 minutes a day to take her blood pressure and dress her wounds. A close friend would stop by on her way to work. She lived there for 20 years. Now that she is up here, she has only fallen once because the doctor took her off some duplicated meds and she is not as dizzy. Her home is spotlessly clean there is nothing to do for her but watch TV. I have tried to take her to the senior citizens group but she refused to go in. I have tried to get her interested in church...she doesn't like my church so I offered to go to another one. She said no! I met with someone at a nursing home to get ideas for her...but all mom thinks is that I am planning on putting her in the nursing home. I assured her that she was not so far advanced to go into a nursing home and that a physician would have to send her to a skilled facility like that. I suggested an assisted living and agian she said no. She said she just wanted to die because she was so lonely.
I am reaching burnout. Our relationship has never been very good, but she realized that if she didn't move up here where I could look out for her that all her assets would be used up by assisted living and then nursing home. I offered to get a nurse to sit with her but she doesn't want to spend the money. What can I do? I am suppose to choose a topic, but don't have any idea where to begin. Cancer Diabetes Elder Abuse Fraud Hearing loss, medicaid and Veterans assistance do not apply

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It is kind of you to try to interest her in activities where she could meet some people, and perhaps lessen her loneliness. Keep trying from time to time. At the same time realize that you are not responsible for her happiness. If she refuses your attempts, that is her choice.

I'd like to know what she intends to do with her assets, instead of using them on her own care? I don't get it. People save for their old age and then don't want to use the money when they are old. What is that all about? I don't have a clear picture of what the afterlife is like, but I doubt very much her assets will do her any good there, even if she could figure out a way to take them with her. If she has considerable assets perhaps she should talk to an elder law attorney and/or an estate planner, to plan how they can last the longest for her care.

Do you think she might be clinically depressed? Can you talk to the doctor who wisely got her medicines straightened out and describe what you see? If you have a HIPPA waiver from your stepmom giving he or she can discuss it with you, but even if you don't, the doctor can listen to you.

Being uprooted from a place that has been home for 20 years, and moving away from a good friend, is hard at any age. And even though this move was her choice, it still isn't easy. Let her mourn that loss. Be sad with her. You don't say how long ago she moved. She is entitled to feel her sadness. Eventually, for her sake, she needs to get past the sadness and move on. It won't happen instantly.

Take a deep breath. Take a break from solving her problems for a few days. And then continue gently guiding her to take some action for her own happiness.

Good luck to you!
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