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My husband of 53 years is dealing with end stage COPD, lung cancer, peripheral neuropathy, and spinal stenosis. He is on oxygen 24/7 and since he has no strength left in his legs, in a wheel chair. We have had Hospice for about 2 months and while they aren't here often, they are very helpful. I can still leave him in the afternoons for a few hours but not at night. He does have the button to press if he needs help while I am out but I no longer go more than 15 minutes away, Like those I have read about here, who are caring for a parent, I wonder when the end will come. And I have been in therapy for the past year to help me cope. This is like a tunnel with no end in sight.........

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Hi RuthGS!
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a dark and difficult time. I feel so sad for both you and your husband ...each of you are walking a hard road. My mom took care of my dad during his struggle with emphysema and it was pretty much unbearable for her. I do applaud you for honoring your marriage vows. That is truly commendable. There's a book that I ran across while working for Focus on the Family about a husband who took care of his ailing wife. It's called, "A Promise Kept"..maybe it would be a source of encouragement to you. Here's a link if you're interested: htt May God give you abundant strength and grace for each day.
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I take care of my husband .. been married nearly 11 yrs now and the last 5 yrs i been his caregiver finally i am being compensated being his aide. I left for my homestate to come to Az and been here for about 3 yrs. We also have 2 children 7 yr old daughter and 5 yr old son. The system is screwed and i am ticked ..i still do not have the necessary aides I ask for him and now I got to call someone else. I am forever having to call and do this n that...its hard responsibility but its a blessing. I am also on FB if you wish to add me. I am sending you hugs n prayers...
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Hi RuthGS
You have such a blessing to have had him for 53 years. I have seen what you are going through with my brothers families. I have had 2 brothers pass from Cancer within 1 year, both in their late 50's and early 60's. I sat with the youngest while his daughters took their mom out of the house for a few hours at a time. I can only say it was a blessing for me as we were able to talk about our parents, our childhood etc without interuption. It is a memory that I will alway hold dear. In my book wives who hang in there until the end will always have a special blessing. I work for a NH and believe me there are families that only come when called. Keep him at home if you can. Although you might want to look into respite care. Ask your Hospice nurse about this as even if it were only for a day or so at a time in your home it would give you peace of mine that he is not alone and would give you a chance to do those things that are more than 15 minutes away, go have your hair done and by the way get your nails done as well. You can then go back home refreshed and looking good at the same time.:) Good Luck to you and May God Bless.
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Dear Ruth,
As you can tell, you aren't alone. I care for my wife with cerebral palsy, my mother going blind and deaf and my step-dad with dementia. I feel your pain and empathize with your burden. You are right, it's not easy and is very stressful. I've been doing this since I met my wife 17 years ago, and the only thing that keeps me going is 1) the knowledge that my efforts make a huge difference to my care recipient's quality of life, 2) knowing that my care recipients would do it for me if the tables were turned, 3) I'm modeling behaviors for my children when I need their care in the future, 4) my efforts feed my spirituality which hints of a reward that will make all my efforts worthwhile. If I didn't have that faith holding me up, I'd have gone crazy years ago. Do your best and know that your best is good enough. Forgive yourself for your imperfections. Reward yourself for your efforts, even if that's just a sympathetic pat on the back. You deserve it. Good Luck. God Bless You.
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Hi RuthGS I am also the caregiver for my husband. I am also dealing with COPD, dementia, Parkinsons, glucoma. I know most about the COPD and I would just like to say it is very hard to watch him struggle to breathe. I have learned that the only thing I can do is keep is try to give him the best quality that I can and leave the rest to God. I don't know if you are familiar with the COPD group forum but it has been a Godsend to me. If you are interested in joining us go to COPD-They are my family as I have no one but them. They have really been a blessing. Let me know what you decide and just keep doing the best you can each day. Believe me most of us are in the same boat and it hasn't sunk yet. God Bless.
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burnedncaringst Just wanted to say I live in AZ also. I am much older than you but that doesn't make one bit of difference to me. We are all in this together. What I would like to know is who is the author of "A Promise Kept"? I would like to read this. If you would like to correspond privately let me know. I do get busy at times but I always try my best to answer. God Bless, Happy Easter and Hugs. Patricia
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I looked up the author of the book, it is Dr Robertson McQuilkin and it is available through Amazon.
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Ruth, I am caring for my husband who has pre dementia. And its not fun. He has always been difficult and now its worse. As dia12 said go get your hair done and nails too, while you are at it get a pedicure and have waxing done. Then go to lunch with a girlfriend and go to an art gallery, then the library if that is your preference. How about a nice walk with your dog around a small lake, if possible, then a movie. Just take care of yourself. I also try to take care of my mother who has dementia. So both of them. I try to carve out time for myself. Mother doesn't live with me. PTL. You have found the right forum to talk to us. Brandy.
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RuthGS: Wishing you the best. I've followed your story. Can you give an update to all who have posted. I'm sure it would be appreciated. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Cattails
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Yes, please update us. I have been following your story also. I care for my husband and it isn't much different than caring for relatives, friends etc. And, yes, you are in our thoughts and prayers.
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