I recently have learned that my spouse's children have planned to take on the care of my husband, we are married, because they don't like the way that I am caring for him. He has early onset dementia and has told them some things about me that I have reason to believe is not about me at all but possibly his first wife, their mother.
It has turned into a nasty mess and I don't know what my legal rights are. Can someone who has been through this help me with some advice or ideas?

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You or he should receive a letter from probate that there will be a hearing. Go to the hearing to refute and establish your rights. You need to assert your spousal rights including conservatorship so that you do not become impoverished. They need evidence, but if you do not appear, the judge may grant to the petitioners. Ideally, you should seek your own lawyer to stay a step ahead
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to MACinCT

Blended families, especially "late" ones, are often a hot mess of complicated relationships and responsibilities. Maybe ask for a "reset" with his children and have a calm discussion in the presence of a legal family mediator.

If your husband has a medical diagnosis of dementia/memory impairment and he created a new PoA after this diagnosis, I'd say his children's chances of being assigned PoA are diminished. Their only other course of action would be guardianship, which is very expensive and time-consuming. And if the judge is dismayed by family in-fighting, would possibly assign guardianship to a 3rd party not related.

Please consider that if you and your husband were married when his children were adults, they have very little, if any, affinity for the new portion of their family. It is difficult for adult children to learn how to trust a total stranger with someone they love, no matter how nice you think you are. Add into the mix that if you were very recently married then they may be confused about who takes care of whom in this situation. Please try to be a peacemaker first -- it will be worth it in the end.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to Geaton777

Take a trip and have the step children look after dad for a couple weeks. See how that goes.
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to Debambler

Who has POA? If you, unless they file for guardianship, there is nothing they can do at this point. If no one has POA, you maybe able to get it if your husband still can understand what assigning you means. If he cannot understand, then no one can get POA and guardianship has to be filed for. If you have the money, I would get that started. You need to protect yourself. We have had posts on here where a child has POA and swoops in and takes a parent out of the marital home leaving the step-parent high and dry. Depending on how long you have been married, you are entitled to at least some of the assets you have accumulated during your marriage.

I would see a lawyer to protect yourself and husband too.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to JoAnn29

I am sorry that your stepchildren are believing statements from your husband that aren’t true. Have you tried to explain the facts to them?

I would see an attorney to put your mind at ease and to prepare yourself as much as possible for your future. Best wishes to you.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

How early onset, how long married?
Could his children claim he was demented when he married?
You have every right to defend yourself. His children may feel morally bound to see that he receives the best care possible and are truly concerned.
In a perfect world the best recourse would be to work together. It truly takes a village to care for someone with dementia. Some judges have been known to assign guardianship to a guardian outside the family when there is contention.
Wishing you and all concerned a way to work through this misunderstanding.
A visit with the right attorney should help you sort out your best course of action.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to 97yroldmom

Another option is to divorce your husband, get your share of assets and let his children take on the monumental task of his care.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to SweetSioux
smartbutton Aug 6, 2021
I divorced while he was sick . Regret it now . Didn’t change much but husbands son made sure to have dads money put with an accountant who just gave it to the adult spoiled son- he didn’t come to funeral or help in any way with burial expenses, cremation- nope! I was divorced but was there daily with our little dogs, every hospital every rehab every appointment I got him to.
Early onset (as in "young onset") or the early stages? - how old is your husband?

Your husband's children don't like the way you are caring for him, or don't like what they hear from him about how you're caring for him? Such as - what?

How long have you been married to your husband?

How old are the children, and what are their different plans for their father's care?

The emotional heat seems to have come from some past misdemeanour, or alleged misdemeanour, that your husband is attributing to you but you have (what?) reason to believe was his previous wife's doing... Have you said as much to the children?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Countrymouse

Seek lawyer specializing in SeniorCare, and also determine if a medical Doctor can verify the nature/amount of dementia.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Seamux

I believe we need to get more information from CMESTERAS to be able to offer much more help.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to jacobsonbob

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