Recently my father was injured badly & his wife also got into a health situation & required Dr's order placement into secure memory care facility. I put my life aside for months to return home & help them through this intense situation. I got them stabilized in assisted living thankfully. However, my step-family, who has been basically absent for a decade (except for fun events or free lunches-did not attend family funerals), petitioned the court to get emergency guardianship & conservatorship of not only their mother but also MY DAD!!?! They have let my father & I do all the caring these past years for their Mom, they hardly ever visit & still never visit or do anything nice for their mom. I have a lot of this proof in writing too that they do not care. My Dad has had a hard many years, caregiving for his mother (my Gramma - who had dementia for 7yrs) and also for his brother too his whole life - my Dad & I were a TEAM for our families care, they both passed in last few years. The whole time his wife has also had A LOT of issues, but refused to go to Dr & nobody in her family cared to help her ever. Needless to say, Dad is not doing well & is also starting to show signs of dementia himself. So when the step-family sprung this on us, after an already INTENSE HEALTH EMERGENCY of both MY Dad & his wife, we then were forced to deal with a terrible court hearing situation, where they painted ME!?! as THE concern & that I was extorting money from MY FAMILY!??! After they KNOW how much I have put aside, I've helped almost a decade & have foregone having my own family because of the time I have given. These terrible step-children, that my family was NEVER close to, have now totally ruined my ability to care for my Dad in the way we had always planned. I wanted to move my Dad & his wife closer to me, they live 1,000 miles away. Nobody in our home state has ever helped them, except me who comes home 2x a year for weeks at a time.
Basically, we got the worst court appointed lawyer, even though my Dad has some $$ - Because the step-family uses the same financial advisor as my Dad, who is a terrible human being, so they all came up with this plan of doing Emergency petition for Guardianship/Conservatorship, so that left my Dad & I ZERO time to find a lawyer.

After a LONG back & forth hearing, we ended up signing an agreement -- I will be my Dad's Guardian, and a very expensive 3rd party was appointed conservator for both Dad/Step-mom & Guardian of Step-mom. The company is intense/curt & I'm constantly dealing with that now too.

I am so upset. It has effected every part of my being. I want to somehow find help, I need someone to help try to re-do the case, but I have no funds (especially after all the time I have spent away from MY life & work!!!) I have TONS of proof/emails of my aide/care (for YEARS) & them NOT. I also want to sue the financial advisor, he has extreme conflict of interest & he is STILL in charge of Dad's $$. It is SO creepy, all these people act like they CARE about MY Dad & wife. Initially the Financial advisor had his very spendy 3rd party staff that was supposed to be helping, but THEY were the ones who left the wife alone for 10days who has obvious dementia & then she landed in the psychward after being pit-maneuvered by the police when she was driving & should NOT have been (her family knew she should NOT be driving but THEY ALSO left her ALONE for 10 days). All these creepy people turned against ME & claimed I WAS THE PROBLEM!!?

Part of the agreement, I am now forced to give my Dad's health records to the ex-family- I'm worried they are doing this just to one day again use the big gun lawyers & get 2 steps ahead of me again, and to top it off, they use MY DAD'S MONEY to do this!?! This whole situation I feel has EXTREME 'moral turpitude' as the step-family perjured themselves too! I have proof, just need help. This all has shattered me, after so much I have given, to now be here is heart-breaking.

Wow, you've got a lot going on here. Your step-mom's kids are in it for the money and they don't care which might make it easier for you. They beat you to it with the petitioning for conservatorship over your dad and step mom.
When you were given guardianship over your father (but not conservatorship which I have never heard of happening), I'm assuming this had to be done in the probate court in whatever town your father lives in. What is probably going to bite you hard in the a$$ is that you signed legal paperwork agreeing to the terms these step kids offered. Your father also agreed to it.
You or your father (who would have appeared at the court proceeding) didn't speak to the judge presiding over this proceeding or any of the lawyers involved about what's going on with him and you and these greedy step kids? The judge didn't ask either of you any questions? Guardianship/conservatorship has to be done in probate court. It is appointed and is not something that just gets done in a lawyer's office.
That's neither here nor there. What you need now is a competent attorney to represent you and your father.
Also APS (Adult Protective Services) has to be contacted. It would be best if the lawyer you use calls them for you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to BurntCaregiver

Call Adult Protective Service ins the state your dad and his wife live in. Ask for a new court-appointed guardian since you have concerns about where their money is going.

I would also suggest that it might be time to get your own life together. You need a job and your own finances to cover your own expenses. At some point neither your father or his wife will be alive. You need to be able to care for yourself.

When you are working and able to support yourself, please see a counsellor. You need somebody to walk with you through all the emotions of the drama of your family until you can get to a place of peace.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Taarna

I'm so sorry!!! Do you have ANYONE that's been involved with you and your situation - a close friend of your parents, a pastor, a home health mngr, a social worker- who can avocate for you?

Imo, what your step-family did was underhanded. Can you separate your Dad's assets from your stepmom?

About that fin adviser, you can write a complaint to the better business bureau, the SEC, and your state authority about his obvious conflict of interest, excessive spending and manipulation.

I agree that you need an attorney. I understand you can't afford one. Idk how you would go about getting one to help you and possibly work pro bono thru a charity or legal aid. But others on this forum probably do. I hope they chime in with suggestions.

In the meantime, BREATHE. You need to get your wits about you and remain calm so you can tackle this. Remember to take care of yourself in this process. The first thing I might focus on is protecting your dad's assets and petitioning the court for a different and independent executive to replace the sleezy financial advisor firm or whoever it is. Sounds like harassment.

Praying for you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to babziellia

Unless your dad is a DuPont his $$ is moot point. All assets will go towards his care and needs and he will likely outlive his $$. Take a deep breath and work with what you have. Just love on your dad and let the heavy lifting rest on others for a change.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to SweetSioux

I am so sorry that you are dealing with such a selfish step family. Contact the Office on Aging, and let them know your situation, and they probably would suggest you get a lawyer who deals with elder care.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to mykenneth

At this point, you won’t be able to do anything without a lawyer.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to IamAmy

My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you. If you are financially able I would find a lawyer that specializes in this area and keep them in court till a better outcome is achieved.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to paintertr

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter