Even with stage 6 Alzheimer's, could he really not know any better?
I just lost it with my husband. To be honest, I'm still mad, but I feel really bad. I've managed to remain calm for quite a while no matter how bizarre his behavior has been. He has stage 6 dementia (we thought it was Lewy Body Dementia, but just recently had it confirmed as Alzheimer's). I've been his full-time caregiver for 3-1/2 years now - plus I work full-time to support us - but am blessed to work from home two days a week and drop him off at a dementia day care on M-W-F on my way to and from work.
O.K., so here's what happened. We were watching TV together for a couple of hours. He got up and I really didn't pay any attention as I thought he was maybe headed to the bathroom. He's urine incontinent and wears depends 24/7, but he still goes through the motions. Anyway, I looked up to see where he was and he was in the kitchen standing next to the trash can. I thought maybe he was peeling an orange - but when I walked over to see if he needed help, he had his depends and bottoms pulled down and was peeing in the trash can! The trash can was sort of full, so It got all over the floor, the side of the counter, himself, etc., etc., etc. This was my first experience with this and it caught me off guard, so I didn't react well. We have two bathrooms downstairs that are just as close as the kitchen, so it wasn't a matter that he couldn't make it to the bathroom. The kitchen is where I prepare food and we eat!!!!
Even with stage 6 Alzheimer's, could he really not know any better? Maybe I'm in denial about how far gone he is. Believe me, I know it's bad because he needs help with just about everything - but to pee in the kitchen when the bathroom, which he's gone to hundreds of times, was just as close is beside me. I know he'll forget my rant, but that doesn't make me feel better about getting upset and raising my voice with him.
There are times when he 'cops a feel' or teases - and I really wonder if he's as bad as he acts all the time - or if it's to get more attention and service from me. I honestly don't think his reasoning or comprehension is intact, because he can't follow simple commands - but you never know. I just need to get a grip, realize he won't remember and let it go.
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I am 5 years into caregiving and it doesn't really get any easier. You need to learn to let some things roll of your back. I know...easier said than done.
The unwelcome possibility is that he may need even more supervision. I wouldn't be happy to have to follow him around all day.
I've heard of painting the bathroom door bright red, to catch his eye. That might help. Maybe you need to start looking into local care facilities - or else redecorate with things that are washable and easy to clean.
I'm so very very sorry you're going through this. I am 5 to 10 years behind you, but I'm sure I'll get there too. God bless you.
And you probably don't want to know about all the stories regarding your last paragraph.
The executive reasoning is gone (or sometimes gone). They don't know any better. They know what they feel/want, but don't necessarily have the filter to know the right way to do it.
I would recommend the book "Learning to speak Alzheimer's" by Joanne Koenig Coste. I am sorry you are going through this.