This is on behalf of my best friend (I'll call her C) who is just beginning the process of looking into finding a place for her mother (J) who is age 75 and newly diagnosed with dementia). C is trying to work through several issues at once and is extremely busy meeting everyone's needs today. I'm trying to help her with some ideas - and she's contacting the local Council on Aging.
It's a complicated situation, as her parents are divorced, but now living together for convenience and financial reasons. Her dad is 85 and has been trying to care for J. Their alcoholic son also lives with them and can't stay sober. He won't stay in rehab once he sobers up, nor will the hospital allow him to stay, obviously. They're also sharing housing with a bipolar grandson. They feel guilt when they think about asking them to move out.
J has done several inappropriate things, dangerous things, recently, but retains POA over her affairs. C is next of kin since her parents are divorced.
The brother and the dad don't understand that she can't just pull up to a nursing home, go in, and leave her mom there in one day, they're pressuring C to making what they would consider a better effort.
What can/should she do next?
Any solution for her emotional health? Even with a caring and attentive husband, she internalizes the situation, and is worn out because she knows whatever she does, she's going to make people angry, but she doesn't have a choice here.
I will speak with her later and tell her of what I read here.
Thanks in advance. C is one of the most selfless people I know. She isn't even 60 years old yet, and this situation is causing her a lot of anticipatory grief. She's concerned about her mother, but also about her father, who is losing his lust for life and is physically worn down, as well.