I am in at a difficult time. DW is currently in a hospital and is stable for everything that is going wrong.
I took her in because I could no longer care for her at home. She could not stand or walk. She was eating less and less. She would chew some bites of food for up to 15 or 20 minutes. She is non-verbal though she can follow some directions such as turn over, raise your head.
She was finally found to have a UTI as well as poorly functioning kidneys. All are being treated and she is stable or still improving.
Initially she was in the neuro ward and was stable so they were preparing to discharge her to re-hab when all hell broke loose. A-FIB. Her heart and bp went bonkers. Her face turned bright red and all of the alarms were going off. The PA system started with the announcement "Rapid response team to room XXX." Suddenly people and machines started arriving. About twelve people and various machines including the crash cart crowded into the room with her and me. I got out of their way, sat in a corner while they did their thing, and started to cry. After about 30 to 45 minutes they started to leave. I was informed that DW would be moved to IMC floor.
The staff on IMC is really wonderful. She is receiving very good care but I was told to start looking at hospice. I know she will never fully recover to where she was just last week. She continues to eating problems. She can swallow but most of the time she refuses to swallow. We have had to suck dissolved food stuff from her mouth. She has not had enough food intake to have a bowel movement though she has expelled gas. Urinating is not a problem.
Still on a saline drip to help her kidney function. She was receiving D5W for nutrition. The swallowing thing I feel is dementia related as well as her dislike of taking meds.
Hospice was called and it seemed as though their suggestion was to let her go. I understood them to mean let her starve to death. That seems to me to be cruel. Though I know that is where she is currently heading. I know I need to find out whether I should try to get her into a facility or bring her home from some one.
If she were to come home at least she could watch her Filipino Channel. I think she would like that and it might be easier for her former friends to crawl out of the woodwork to visit her. I doubt that would happen.
I guess, like nearly all of us here I don't like the idea of her passing but I am having guilt thoughts that if I proceed along the recommended lines I am actually killing her or at least assisting in it.
Today she was restless and turned toward me, so I held her and she actually put her mitten covered hands round me. I like to think she was saying she loved me but I don't know if she was trying to say something else.
If she comes home I need to find out if the IV would/should be continued.
No feeding tube is recommended. Fine I understand most of that. She would just try to remove it anyway unless I kept her hands covered.
This is a very difficult decision to make. If you have any comments or suggestions I would appreciate them. This part is going to be a very lonely and difficult time.
Thank you for listening and commenting. gotta go now. This screen getting very blurry.