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My husband is on dialysis and now experiencing dementia. It is time to finally have the talk, while we still can.


In the past, he’s said he doesn’t like the option of hospice. He doesn’t like strangers around. But, I don’t feel strong enough to go through this alone (whenever it happens).

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Wow, it sounds a lot better than I expected. Music therapy! I googled and saw that one of the local ones also has pet therapy and other special services.

The next question is whether he can continue on dialysis and be in Hospice. I have a call in to admissions to find out. I hope we can take advantage of all they offer, but If they don’t allow the dialysis to continue at least for a little while, then it limits us. I’ve heard the average lifespan after stopping dialysis is less than a week.
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Reply to JuliaRose
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Hospice has been such a blessing to our family. My mom passed 16 years ago. Hospice was with her in our home for the last two weeks on a daily basis. They made sure she was in no pain, as well as helped my dad with lots of paperwork, ministered to him, and gave him peace of mine. Now my dad, 94, is suffering from ill health, congestive heart failure, and Alzheimer's. When the time came for him to no longer live alone (at 93!), he refused to move in with me. Instead he insisted on Assisted Living. AL can't do much more for him, so Hospice has been brought into the picture. He is still at the AL place, but has a CNA come in 3 hours a day to take care of him. It's just a different dynamic that me doing it. Also, I am not skilled to take care of him as well as they are. Please share that all with your husband, explaining he should allow you to love and care for him as his wife, and not his caregiver.
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Reply to c47090
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Part of "the talk" could be, "As your health worsens, would you rather be in a nursing facility OR would you rather be at home with hospice nurse visits, bath aides once or twice a week, a doctor visit now and again, social worker, music therapist (if your hospice company has one) and chaplain services? There should be no middle ground. You are NOT going to be able to do this all alone, so I wouldn't even entertain the thought of it. As things progress, you'll probably need to hire (or get free services for) a caregiver to assist you, if you keep him at home.

Either way, there are going to be strangers around. Hopefully they will grow to be friends. Tell him your health will suffer and you may die if you don't have help.
(30-40% of c/g's die before their loved ones while taking care of them.)
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Reply to SueC1957
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You will need a Drs. order. Then call a Hspice in ur area. They will evaluate to see if he meets the criteria.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It's very hard to give someone the gift of hospice and peaceful passing in their own home but you can do it. It's the best and last gift you can give your husband. Be brave
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Reply to Alpomeranz
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