My husband has a number of health issues, the worst being mobility and dementia. At the moment we are living in our own home and I am in good health. I realize that we can't continue living here forever, I just don’t know where we should go next. Our kids live about two hours away in a city where we lived for 20 years. We have been in our present community for 20 years, and I have the support and friendship of friends. Do we stay in this community and move to an IL community, or AL? I’m not ready for AL, but it would give me the independence of being able to leave him and know he’s cared for. If we move to where are kids are, I’m afraid it would be confusing for my husband.
His doctor tells me that more than likely, I will need to have more help in the next year or two. At presnt, VA is providing home health care twice a week helping with showering and house cleaning. I know I need to plan ahead, but am having trouble deciding what and where to plan for.
The complex my Dad had moved to have married couples where one spouse had dementia but both were able to live in the Independent Living side. Usually the Independent Living side of a complex has options for more care [at a price] when the time comes that your hubby needs more help. The main thing is to see if all the costs are within your budget.
Then if hubby needs to transfer over to Assisted Living/Memory Care, then you can remain in Independent Living and go visit hubby for meals and activities. Again check your budget as you both would be paying a separate rent.
My Dad just loved his Independent Living apartment, it had 2 bedrooms [Dad made one bedroom his home office], nice size living room and fully equipped kitchen. He had weekly housekeeping and weekly linen service as part of the rent, plus dinner in the restaurant styled dining room. He liked the comfort of knowing there was a nurse available 24 hours a day. And if anything needed fixing in his apartment, one call to maintenance.
I know, this is a big decision.
As to where - your current location or your former community that's closer to your children - I would seriously consider moving closer to your children for the day when you may need their care and support; if the move also offers easier opportunities to spend time with grandkids that's all for the better too. I think the most important consideration is finding a good AL that you can afford, maybe one with an associated IL nearby since only your husband needs AL at this point. The IL/AL community can be a source of new friendships and companions that will increase in importance as your husband's dementia progresses and as you age and are not as mobile. Are there some friendships from your former community that you could pick back up again?