My grandmother is struggling with both mental and physical decline/issues. While she is quite willing to discuss the physical issues, she is unwilling to acknowledge or discuss the mental ones. My grandfather, who lived with her, and I have been doing our best to help her maintain her independence, though I also feel we have somewhat enabled her to ignore her mental struggles as well. However, about two weeks ago, my grandfather died. My grandmother living alone does not seem to be a good idea at this time for any number of reasons (falling, losing things, isolation, grief etc), and understandably, my grandmother is not ready to consider moving. The complications are this: 1. I am also responsible for my mother, who struggles with schizophrenia. My grandmother is very critical of my mother, as my mother is often difficult to understand and has difficulty following instructions. From the other side, since my mother is difficult to communicate with, it is easy to see how my grandmother gets confused even more easily and thus impatient. Either way, it is in neither of their best interests to live together. So how do I live with both? 2. My mental health. Because my grandmother is unwilling to discuss any mental issues she might have (I don't want to self-diagnose) it makes daily functioning quite difficult. My grandmother has always been one to need to be in control of the situation, and it would make sense in her grief that she would try to re-exert her control. However her need to have control over me as well as her forgetfulness, confusion, and some plain old passive aggressiveness is wearing me down mentally very quickly. For example, I have asked her multiple times if she would like me to move in. In response, she states it is my decision. However she gets upset when I have to leave for less than an hour to get a shower at the house I have been living in previously, half a mile down the road. This has occurred every day for the past week and a half.
I have a thousand thoughts going through my head, but no solutions. Guidance and thoughts appreciated. Thanks!