I have moved in in my final year of University at the age of 23 to help my mother after her heart attack financially by paying rent and food for the two of us. Before this time I have lived independently for over 3 years. Since university, I moved to a different town with her 5 years ago where I found permanent post university employment. This allowed me to pay for all bills for a 3 bed house, rent and food etc and the annual trip to the country we are from. My mother has my father's pension (post death thing) and eligible for her own too bit spend it on items not necessary but expects others to pay for winter clothing or even underwear etc.
I have 3 siblings over the age of 40, both in old and new country but not willing to take her in.
2.5 years ago met my husband who moved in after our engagement. My mother resented him from day 1 as this resulted in her having to dress up in the house and not run around half naked & once my husband requesting her to clean up after her dog, her bedroom and allow us to have quiet time after 6pm (when I get home from work so I can study for exams as she would not listen to my plea). Which I tried to achieve for years.
This resulted in never ending resentment from her and constant nastyness in our language which my husband understands partially.
She is putting pressure on our marriage by being non stop nasty to my husband who up until recently was always trying to make her happy and include her in our little new family.
Nowdays, I am tired of cleaning a house full of her furniture (many of them so bad in condition but not allowed to get rid off or replaced due to EVERYTHING HAVING EMOTIONAL SIGNIFICANCE TO HER) that makes cleaning and looking after the house a nightmare. I pay for the rent of a house where I cannot decorate or even reorganise it to fit our needs. Moved the dining table and one of her furniture to make more space... resulted in her screaming for days on how we destroyed her design.
Her constant bickering and comparing my muslim good hearted husband to my alcoholic and abusive dead father -which I prefer to block out of my memory, makes me want to just send her home for her annual visit, pack up the house in two - her and our belongings- and just move & drop her stuff on my sibling's doorstep. But worried she will be left to become homeless as noone want to deal with her but I have come to my end and start focusing on what is important to me /us as a couple rather than constantly taking sh*t for doing the right thing.