How can I set boundaries regarding my caregiving abilities without being labeled as the sibling who doesn’t help?

pamstegma/give a hug, yes you are correct in what you said, but for the one week i was paid, i wasn't paid for the other 3/4 times i went down there, i paid for that myself. I wouldn't think of asking for money whatsoever. It was once i explained to my sister the financial difficulties, she 'offered to pay me that one year. Yes, siblings do resent when another sibling cannot help w/the care. But if siblings are asking questions & you are not getting answers, something is wrong. They were hiding things & they spent over 340,000 on themselves, not my mom in the last eight years. They were brought up on charges by DCF & may go to prison or jail. I was more than willing to help w/my mom, paid or not as I worked as a nurses assistant in a nursing home for almost a year. When a sibling decides that they know more than you, that they don't want you to know how much they are spending on themselves & rob your mother of everything that she owns, finances, house furnishings, house-then something is wrong. I did try to have conversations w/my sister about finances, mom's health, not having my nephew stressed out w/her care & hiring help-she didn't want to talk about it & her typical answer was, 'everything's fine' your worrying over nothing.My mother was going through neighbor's garbage cans pulling out things & leaving them there-They thought that was ok-I personally did not & asked for a home health care person to be brought in to sit w/her-my answer from sis was 'everything's fine', we don't need to hire anyone-we are not going to give them 'our' money. Mom lost weight in the last few years of her life because my nephew wasn't feeding her correctly. Sometimes, she didn't even have food in the house. A neighbor let me know what was going on, i immediately called my sister. Her response? Oh, it's ok, everythings fine, he doesn't do that all the time. My point: It should have never happened in the first place!!! My sister lied all the time to me, told me things that were not true. My nephew was getting $4000 or more a month for mowing her grass & checking on her. She was capable of getting her own groceries & even married a second time within the first 5/6 years after my dad passed. All that time, they were robbing her blind. Nephew needs $7000, oh here's a check. Nephew needs $30,000, oh here you go. They knew she had alzheimers & took advantage of her, that is what i am so sad about.

Setting boundaries w/siblings can at times be almost impossible. But you still need to look in your mother or father & keep check on what is going w/them. Talk to their doctor & their bank-keep an eye on things. Make sure their income tax is done & if you don't live in the area, have a neighbor go & check on them that you know & get their phone number. You have to let the siblings know what you can do & what you cannot. If they are unhappy w/that, they will just have to be unhappy. But if everyone is willing to work together, things can get done. My problem is my sister & nephew were not willing to work w/me. I told them i could come down that year at xmas or spring break & called them, told them to call me back at which was best for them. I never received another phone call from either one, simply because I did not go down in the fall & take care of my mother.

My condolences, bewildered, so sad that there was so much conflict. We see a lot of that here. Families with nothing to fight over even manage to find ways to disagree. Wishing you peace.