I am wondering how others have coped in my scenario and would love some advice.
My mom has Alzheimer’s and has been in a secure dementia unit for 18 months. She is well cared for, the staff are fantastic and I have no concerns there.
I previously visited her 3 times a week with my newborn but as my son has gotten older it’s become more problematic- I didn’t visit at all when he was crawling but did see her 1-3 times a week on day visits to my dad's house. Now he is walking all I can manage is 1 afternoon a week at the rest home as the visits are so stressful- my mom doesn’t know who I am, has little interest in my son other than getting him off me, and has shown aggressive tendencies towards him in the past. The staff advise me over and over not to let her hold him (I don’t). I spend my visit monitoring them both.
I would like to visit without him but for various reasons this isn’t possible right now. She isn’t able to have visitors in the evening. She has very limited communication so phone calls are not possible.
My dad is unable to see that it’s hard and pushes me to see her more often, for longer, and for a bond to be created between grandmother and grandson. I have recently drawn a line and he has stopped speaking to me -calling me selfish for doing so.
My mom has visitors 5 days a week at least so is far from neglected. I feel guilty it two directions- that I am not doing enough for my mom and that I am not doing enough for my son.
Has anyone been in this situation? How did you get through it?
Thanks for reading to the end