A quick question. I've been caretaking my grandparents for about 4 years solid now and they are getting to the point where they need assisted living.
One has advanced dementia (asking the same question multiple times in a conversation, repeating same conversation multiple times a day), and is forgetting to bathe and take medication frequently, etc. The other can't cook for himself and will skip meals unless I'm there to provide them, and is often in need of assistance with dressing and other small tasks. Neither can drive, or leave the house without assistance.
I have tried twice to get an in-home caretaker and they have had meltdowns and tantrums each time, prompting me to placate and put an abrupt end to the arrangements in hope of finding another solution. I can't.
They need all of what assisted living provides, and they can afford it.
How can I get them to jump over this hurdle willingly and peacefully? And if not, perhaps more forcefully?
It's at a point far exceeding my ability to provide for or meet even some of their basic needs, let alone advanced ones.
They are terrified of outsiders, harbor a mentality that all long-term care facilities are low-level prisons where residents are tortured, and feel that any family members owe it to them as a debt of honor I guess to care for them.
I'm 34, the only family member involved, and it's just not possible. Parents have passed, two brothers are unable/unwilling/unfit to help (mental illness, substance abuse, identity theft).
I have navigated this whole thing really well, and have much awareness about all the nuances and facets of LTC leading up to this point but, man, am I struggling to figure this out...
One thing they have requested multiple times is to find a mature caregiver with life experience (not a timid younger person) as they would feel more comfortable with that. It's been difficult to always ensure that with home health providers. Not sure how I could accomplish this in the interim between living at home and moving to a dedicated LTC home.
I know it's more than one question,, but any creative thoughts would be greatly welcome!