My husband and I moved in with my FIL two weeks ago; who is 62. He lost his job either earlier this year or last year, and although he is working again, he is making less than he used to and can no longer afford his mortgage. From what my husband has told me, he also didn't manage his money well throughout his life, and his ex wife (my MIL), took a large chunk through their divorce; he may have to live with us for the rest of his life. Also he will be having hip surgery soon. Since my husband's name is also on my FIL's house, he figured we should move in. I agreed, but now I am thinking we did not plan this move very well and didn't talk about it enough!
My husband is working with his brother and uncles to renovate the basement of my FIL's house to turn it into an in-law suite. The plan was for him to then move into his space and us to move upstairs. However this renovation has already taken longer than it was supposed to. Since my husband is resistant to hiring outside help (non-family), and his family is working for cheap/free, they are not taking it all that seriously. I don't get why we don't just hire a contractor, who is not his brother, who has a history of not showing up for jobs/not finishing jobs in time or well. He says that we would have to drop a couple thousand "instead of just waiting another couple weeks."
For context, before this we lived in a duplex that my husband owns. The duplex is intended to be a rental. We worked hard to renovate that place, and it took forever (altogether about 4 years; I moved in at the beginning of last year), once again, because he hired his brother, who also has depression issues and didn't feel like working for about 3 years, during which my husband supported him but that's another story. Anyway, for a while, we lived in the bottom, while his brother and girlfriend (who was abusive and is now his ex) lived on top. It took a while to get comfortable in this place due to the crazy ex, and his brother coming and going into our space as he pleased. But generally, I loved our apartment.
The point is we have been married for a year; I'm 26, he's 30, and we have never had the chance to live truly by ourselves. We did the whole "separate but together" thing with his brother already, and I feel terrible and selfish, but I'm ready for us to have a home of our own without other people. I feel like somehow we got cheated out of that or skipped the part of the marriage where it's just us. I really like his dad, but right now I feel like we are too close for comfort. He does help us with our dog, which we really appreciate, and he helped us re-paint the living room and bedrooms...but in his day to day, he seems depressed. He didn't put much effort into packing up or dwindling down some of his hoard so that we could move our stuff in. He does work but leaves after us and comes back before us. In the morning when I leave for work, he is sitting on his chair watching TV- loudly because he's losing his hearing. When I come back from work, he's in exactly the same place, watching TV and simultaneously playing on his phone, and he stays like this all evening, only taking breaks to go to the bathroom, which, when he does number 1, he won't flush. I doubt this has something to do with cognitive decline since he does flush after number 2. I think he's just used to it. Finally he goes to bed, later or at the same time as we do, and basically my husband and I won't have privacy unless we are in our bedroom, or if my FIL leaves the house which he occasionally does...I think because he intentionally wants to give us some space. I worry most because we haven't discussed the long term plan for his dad. What will happen if/when he needs a caregiver? Why didn't his brother, who is single and seems to be staying that way for a while, move in with his dad instead? Husband seems to think they wouldn't be able to survive together alone. I'm tired of the renovations. Looking for insight on all this.