Before we were married, my husband moved in with his mother to help her out with daily tasks. We are now married, and we still live in her home with her.
We are here to help her, as she has had a couple of falls and can’t move both of her arms well to complete everyday tasks. We honestly feel like she wouldn’t be able to do it on her own.
There are some definite upsides to this arrangement, mainly that it is cheaper than getting another place. But, we pay her rent each month to help with costs of things.
She is financially independent, and thinks just fine, her body just isn’t cooperating as much as she’d like.
Here are the issues though;
She gets upset whenever we leave the house to do something on our own together. She will pout, cry, make us feel extremely guilty for wanting some alone time, and this will linger for days. She doesn’t do this when we leave for work.
If if we don’t do something she wants immediately or the way she wants it, the mood starts again and she mumbles under her breathe things about us that I can only guess are very mean. Little things are always a big deal with her and she can’t ever let anything go. And if we ever bring up anything about how we are feeling, she acts like it’s the end of the world. I’m not even exaggerating. As in, in her bedroom bawling and moping around the house for the next week saying things about how she should move into a retirement home since she is just a burden, etc. she, however, can say whatever she wants to us however rude it may be.
I come home from work every night and cook a good meal for everyone, but she hates what I cook. And she makes it very clear she hates it. And, she refuses to eat leftovers, and gets very upset if that’s what we have.
We we moved into her house with her, which means that we don’t really have our own space. I’m not allowed to decorate anything or change anything. I understand this to a point, but I feel like we need some freedom here.
Don’t get me wrong, we love her very much and I am happy to help out, but this is getting worse the older she gets. And she’s only 73.
We we are considering moving out, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it. But, living here is started to interfere with our marriage. We have to walk on eggshells and be careful of everything we say or it will blow up in our faces.
I’m Just at a loss for what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!