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I feel my parent could live another 15 years, but person with POA believes only a few years. My parent is living well in their own home. The POA who lives out of state wants to move them to a very expensive AL, costing 3-4x as much as current expenses. Upon lots of discussions the POA stated that at age 89 the outlook was for only a few more years so they believe the funds will last. However I am the one who takes them to all their dr appt and I know they are extremely healthy (no diabetes, no heart disease, no cancer history, eats healthy). I believe they could easily live to 100, or beyond (has relatives that old). For now the POA has relented on what I feel is an impossible move. What would the POA do when the money ran out at age 94? I feel obligated to prevent my parent from disaster, but I am not the POA, and I don't have money to spend on an attorney either.

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As a rule of thumb, I tell older people who ask me that it's better to walk into AL than be wheeled in to a nursing home. It would give your parent time to get established as a distinct personality in that community before age really begins to diminish him or her.

If your parent has substantial funds currently, the POA could consider buying (extremely expensive) insurance against the parent's outliving his or her funds. It would likely use up all assets, leaving nothing to inherit, but it would provide cover if he/she lived to a very great age. Specialist insurance brokers would quote for this kind of cover - it doesn't hurt to find out.

It is the POA's job to manage your parent's assets in his or her best interests. If this ALF is all it's cracked up to be, and your parent is persuaded that it's a good option, and the POA can find some way to cover future costs indefinitely… then where's the disaster?

The really important question, though, is what does your parent want? Find out in as much detail as you can, doing your honest best not to sway the thinking one way or the other. Take it from there.
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At age 89 with arthritis all over, Assisted Living is a good idea. If the POA has already kicked in, I assume parent cannot handle their affairs, another good reason for AL. You can still visit and go to office visits. Fifteen years down the road you won't be quite as active as you are now, you might even want to share a room at the AL by then.
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Does your parent want to move to this AL place? Sounds like a serious talk is in order. Spell out to your parent that they will run through their money faster in the new place. Too soon and then they'll be in a cheap-o state-run place. Do they want to accept that risk? If so, wash your hands of it.

As for changing the PoA, if your parent is competent the current PoA really can't do much to challenge it. Have your parent properly tested before the switch and keep the documentation.

The "tradition" thing really irks me. There is a somewhat similar dynamic in my family and it has led to some poor choices.
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the POA wanted the move because they live far away, and feels parent would really be "living" at this expensive place (do crafts, exercise class....stuff the parent has never done, they have arthritis all over so they're not likely to enjoy it now, but who knows). The POA's significant other has a parent in a very nice AL and it seems they think it's the "thing to do" when you get older. But the SO's parent is very well-off and can afford it.
So, basically the POA would be relieved to have the parent move to AL, picked one out (because it was so "nice"), and could care less about if the money runs out.
Also, if the money runs out---then there is no need to be POA any more, the state would basically make all the decisions, since the state would pay all the bills.
I don't know if I could "get" my parent to change the POA paperwork.....the current POA would probably challenge it and I can't afford a lawsuit.
What really bugs me is, I am the one who makes daily visits to parent, drives them everywhere, does all the doctor visits, knows everything (everything that really matters, on a daily and long-term basis), but I don't have POA, because of a silly old family tradition. I've discussed this with parent, and they just say, well it's traditional to do it this way.
While I may wonder if insanity is "traditional", I know I cannot let my parent become at risk financially.
Yes, my parent IS STILL competent, and I will still talk with them about changing their POA, or revising it to maybe include me as an equal with the current POA, that way they couldn't do things all by themselves.
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If your parent is competent, have them change the PoA to you. Act quickly.
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Is your parent incompetent (in the legal sense)? If not, the parent can determine where to live. The POA cannot force a move. Does your parent want to move to this luxurious ALF? Why does the POA want this to happen?

Do you want to have POA? Would your parent want that?
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