I am an only child, now 69. Mother currently lives alone, 93. She is paranoid, delusional, forgetful, angry, accusatory, with limited short term memory, and distorted long term memory. She easily forgets where she puts items, and resorts to blaming neighbors and myself of stealing anything she cannot find. She is certain she will win some sweepstakes and frequently contributes $$ in an attempt to win. My relationship has been tenuous at best for the last 40 yrs.

I am the only son and feel responsible, but I have no financial authority or co-signing ability, no POA, and no medical POA. She presents well in short duration meetings, ie attorneys. Therefore, she has redrafted her will at least three times over the last three years. She named her nephew by marriage as her POA. She readily states I am not in her will, and has threatened to take legal action against me for some unknown reason. I feel responsible for her health and welfare, but have no authority. Ideas?

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Thanks for the responses. I forgot to mention that I live 500 miles away and the "cousin POA" lives 100 miles from her as well. There is no interaction with he and I. And he is not doing anything in terms of hands on assistance. She is legally competent, per attorney. However, everyone that deals with her knows better. Even neighbors have warned me about her and her potential threat to cause bodily harm to me. Admittedly, I have kept my distance. And I really don't want to deal with her and I have essentially kept clear from her. The problem is I feel responsible even through all the years of anger. She has me and my one daughter. We have both made efforts to support her but she resents us both. So interesting.
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So, as mentioned by another poster, call Adult Protective Services and advise any friends or neighbors to do the same.

The fact that you feel responsible for her after years of abuse is for me at least, an indication that you would benefit from seeing a therapist.
The only thing that overrides a POA is guardianship. Your Mom sounds like she has Dementia and as such, can no longer make informed decisions. Like asked, can you talk to cousin? If not, call your local Office of Aging and/or Adult protection services. Tell them your concerns and see if an evaluation can be done on Mom. A well check thing. A POA only comes into effect if the person can no longer make informed decisions. Your cousin may not be aware of Moms decline.

For some reason when parents have a mental decline they take it out on their child. Usually, the one that cares the most and is there for them. They get something in their mind and they don't let go. She may remember something that made her mad at you years ago. Or, she feels you are a threat of taking her independence away.

If you get help, I think you can use Moms money for guardianship. Medicaid I think allows it if she ever needs it.
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Is the nephew doing anything about her disordered mental state, like getting her seen by a doctor? Are you in touch with him, and do you have a decent relationship with him?

Look, if your mother is competent on the legal sense, she can make all the bad decisions she likes. It is, in the end, her money.

But if she is threatening legal action against you, I'd stay far, far away from her and keep communication at the holiday/birthday card level.

My husband's mom threatened to call Adult Protective Services because he was, in her view, abusing her (telling her that smoking was exacerbating her copd). That was the day he walked out of her life.
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