Now where can my husband go if the 4th place doesn’t work out?

Update…. My husband was seen by a psychiatrist today. He recommended injections instead of pills because he is refusing them. I kept him home as long as I dared to. I am 77 and life is getting harder each day.

The doctor increased the dosage but it isn’t working out too well. I guess it is a trial and error for the meds. My son went to see him today and told me “Dad is really mad at everyone.” I spoke to the administrator and she told me he took off his wedding band and told her to keep it. On the advice of the charge nurse and administrator I will not be going to see him. For some reason I agitate him more. I am afraid for my own safety and I will not allow him to physically or mentally abuse me.

The facility he is in now is a cross between a memory care and mental health. The other three places were only for Alzheimer’s. I wanted to put him in psychiatric hospital but so far this new place is working out somewhat. My sons get upset and say “no ma you can’t put dad in a mental hospital”. If it comes down to that I will do what is best for him and others he might harm, However, each time the phone rings my stomach gets in a knot. I never know if it is the new place or not. Thank you all for you caring and sharing.

I cannot impress enough to get his meds evaluated. I don't understand why there isn't more understanding of how easily the meds can cause trouble. Both my brother-in-law and close friend's m-i-law went through total personality changes due to med problems. Bro-in-law became very outgoing, Mr. Personality/Cocktail party type. Also unreasonable buying of gifts for others at his facility. Went back to his normail friendly but subdued self once meds were straightened out. Friend's mother-in-law went mean.. Threw coffee mug at new TV they'd gotten her. Would have kicked her son in a delicate spot had her walker not been in the way. Screaming at people. She was moved to a place whose job is to do re-evaluation of medication. She retudrned to her former sweet natured personality. I've known others too, who tell similar properties. Don't give up, he can haave dementia without have these behaviors. Good luck.

Allow him to be made a ward of the state and they will have to find a suitable care facility for him.
Very likely he will be put into the infirmary ward of a facility for the criminally insane if he is this violent and also has physical health issues.
Let the state appoint a conservator/guardian over him and they will figure it out.

This is horrible and not acceptable. The doctors must first of all control him by some medications that might help. Second, no matter what happens, DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO COME HOME WITH YOU. There are people like this and I do believe, by law, they must be put somewhere - they can't just put them on the street - which is in you favor. If it is a "nice" place no longer matters. He is violent and needs to be controlled. He had a chance to "behave", sickness or not, and chose not too - so you know what will happen. Stand firm and in control - do not bring him home. The facilities must bear the burden of placing him somewhere appropriate.

I am so sorry you are going through this! My FIL has Alzheimer's and when he was in the hospital they were overmedicating him and it caused delirium on top of dementia. He was so far off his base level. The doctor that first admitted him noted the huge difference but the rotating doctors, social workers, and case managers refused to listen to us. We refused to have him dismissed to our care because he was supposed to go to a rehab facility but they refused to take him because he needed a sitter. We forced the hospital to give him proper care until he could be safely released. They did finally stop the Halidol and Seraquil which were causing the huge difference in his lucidity (or lack thereof). Dad has caregivers that come by and he has returned to a close baseline. We are trying to keep him where he is comfortable for as long as possible. This disease is truly heartbreaking!

Not sure what type of facility your husband is in now (AL, MC, NH?) but you need to contact the doctor who is assigned to him or if an AL his own PCP and tell him/her what is happening. If the Dr. is assigned to your husband through the facility they will be able to read all the medical notes including medication. If she/he is not assigned to the facility, you will have to get permission from the facility to give the Dr. access to the records.

Ideally, based on his violent behavior, the Dr. will arrange for his transport to a psychiatric facility that has a specialist in geriatric mental issues. It takes a lot of observation and trial and error to get the medication mixture and level just right to smooth out violent behavioral issues. We had one resident spend 2 mos in a state psychiatric facility getting the meds right. She returned to another NH still sullen and evil but no longer attacked residents or staff. Unfortunately, that only lasted for about 6 mos before the violent behavior returned (blood work showed her enzyme levels were off) and she had to go back for another stent.

All facilities have to keep their other residents and visiting families safe as well as their own staff - no one earning 13.50/ wants to get hit in the eye or should they at any pay rate - so understandably the facilities need to get violent people out. They are (at least in most states) responsible to do a "safe discharge" so they can't just put a resident out of the sidewalk. And coming back to your home is NOT a safe discharge. DO NOT ALLOW (yes, I'm shouting!!!)the facility or the hospital (or Bevthetroll on this site) to talk/coerce/cajole you into taking him home with you for one second!!!!!

I'm finding out is that there just isn't enough information about how to handle mid stage dementia and psychiatric problems. Aides are trained in basic nursing care, but unfortunately are not trained in behavioral health techniques and properly handling patients.

What happens in these severely violent cases is that a dementia client is moved to a psychiatric facility where they are given medications to calm down the behavior. I feel badly for someone who gets to this point in their stage of their illness. The geriatric doctor should have been contacted at the facility for help.

There comes a time when we realize that we can no longer take care of an individual who has violent tendencies. I worked as an aide and had a client that I felt needed more help that I couldn't provide. I felt the client was headed in the wrong direction, but with the proper medication could have been spared some of the symptoms they were experiencing.

Let the state decide. If the current facility decides it cannot cope then they have to phone 911 and you have to refuse to get involved - you cannot ensure he is safe and monitored let the state take it over, I am sorry your position is so difficult but if people who say they can manage can't then someone else has to make the choices which keep being thrown back at you, and have him placed where the staff cannot just say "this isn't working for us".

They can't just discharge him to the street, just do not allow them to discharge him to you. If he has to be made a ward of the state, so be it.

I agree with Taarna completely, but first; taking someone from their house they have been in for yrs, and putting them in place after place just exacerbates the problem. He is scared, confused, nothing familiar there, told what to do and when. That is enuff to make anyone anxious, afraid, mad, upset, you name it. That's not your fault, it's just what he or anyone would feel.
I don't know why the 1st placement couldn't work with you and the doc to adjust meds. It's not cruel its helpful with the transit ion and the dementia. Why keep moving him? How hard is it for a nurse to pick up the phone and call the his doctor?? Not that difficult. Funny they can call right away to remove him. Of course I understand they don't want anyone hurt, but they can call the doc just as easily.
They could have called you and asked if you can calm him, until doc sends orders, and they get new meds, or increase anti anxiety or whatever.
Id call his doc right away and say he needs help. He's not coping well. What can we do? I'd tell him entire situation, with mult moves too. And ask about could it be a uti, or blood chems off? Sounds more like all the moves & upheavals. I'd do that right away. Since none of the homes did. They might charge you bc it takes up docs time just like a visit, but he needs help ASAP. This doc knows him. The other places don't.
Good luck keep us posted.

He needs to be admitted to a geriatric inpatient psychiatric facility. The medical staff can work to get him onto the right combination of medications to calm his impulsive and violent tendencies. Once he is adjusted, he will be calmer and easier to handle, Social Services at the inpatient psychiatric facility can help you with his placement into a long term facility.

Spousecantcope: Perhaps he will have to be housed in a lock down facility.

My brother also became argumentative and abusive. Turned out his chemistry was all screwed up. When that was balanced out, he calmed down.

I feel so bad for your husband, he can't help his actions and needs experienced doctors to prescribe the right meds without turning him into a zombie. Helenn and Jassda5757 have it right - follow their advice!

The last resource will be a psychiatric state facility where they have maximum security units. He most likely suffers from a severe psychiatric illness, not dementia. A patient with dementia would would have been unable to escape from a facility. Certain level of intelligence and awareness is required to plan a escape. A patient with dementia would try to sexually assault a woman. I think your husband suffers from bipolar disorder or schizo-affective disorder.

He needs behavioral medication.

Nusing Homes are a Horrible place to live. They are all understaffed and don't do much for you.
Maybe you should allow husband to move back home.

He would be happier living out the remainder of his life at home.

Check with his Dr and Insurance and put him on Home Health.

He'll be able to get an Aide to come by to help him bathe if needed. He will also get a Nurse to come by.

If husband has been in the Military he could get up to 30 hrs a week Caregiver help.

Prayers

He is clearly mentally ill, I see he has dementia but this is unusual behavior despite that. . I would try to get him in a psychiatric facility where they can hold him until a more permanent place with the ability to deal with him can be found.

I am so sorry, this must be so difficult.

He needs to be assessed by geriatric
psychologist … some dementia made much worse by the newer antipsychotic meds….like Lewy body
eith delusions hallucinations. He needs proper professional care.
seroquel worked well my husband.
all these changes making him worse . He’s very frightened confused and anxious and feels worse than anyone can imagine. By careful and honest with the new home and get him good geriatric neurologist asap.
he’s probably used to being in control is scared and trust me he doesn’t want to be like this .

Pitifully, he can go no where but down. Down to the lowest depths of existence with a few standing, watching his life further deteriorate. The last stop, and only assumable stop, should be a mental institute.

Sorry to hear about your husband. You must be worried sick. When my mom was in a nursing home she all of the sudden became very violent and out of control. They sent her to a psychiatric facility for 30 days. Turns out her behavior was being caused by the amount of meds the NH was g giving her and some of them were conflicting. Every time she would have a symptom, the NH would increase her medicine. At the psychiatric facility, they took her off all meds to clear her system, then gradually added them back one at a time with adjusted doses and completely removing some. The facility said that nearly 100% of the patients referred from NHs were referred due to over medication and they had to be detoxed. We were floored! When she returned to her NH she was much better but the stress made her decline faster.

Good luck with you husband.

Until he is seen by a neurological physician and on medication that can manage his behavior, this will continue.

Poor guy

Arrange for a neuropsychiatric evaluation by a GERIATRIC SPECIALIST in that field, TODAY. If there is a waiting list, ask if he can be seen on as an emergency case so that

His behavior issues need specific management, whether by medication, specifically trained staff, and/or alteration (temporary or permanent) of his physical environment.

The fact that he “knows” you is irrelevant at this point. Address his current behaviors, neurological psychiatric status, AND WAYS TO ADDRESS HIS INAPPROPRIATE SOCIALLY DEVIANT ACTIONS via his assessment.

You can’t address his problem(s) until you find out what they are and what’s causing them.

Lots of good luck with planning, understanding, and managing his future.

He COULD be moved to a lockdown type psych ward. There they have a smaller patient to CG ratio and they do work harder with psych meds to gain some sense of balance.

I wouldn't worry, at this point, about keeping him quite sedated. He cannot be allowed to punch, hit, abuse ANYONE, and all the patients have the same right to safety.

Has he been medicated yet? Somebody should be monitoring what he's getting.

I’m so sorry you’re both going through this. Has there been a complete neuropsych evaluation? Have meds to help calm his behavior been tried?