I'll try to be as brief as possible.
My uncle, age 94, is nearing the end of his life. Along with diabetes, neuropathy, and on his second pacemaker, he was recently hospitalized for pneumonia. The resulting coughing left him with a stress fracture in his back. He was hospitalized again this morning as he is in excruciating pain from the fracture, which cannot be treated with anything buy Tylenol due to his limited kidney function.
Uncle's wife is in her late 70s, with Stage 7 Alzheimer's. She and my uncle are still in their home, with home care providers. My aunt has been approved for Memory Care, but is Medicaid pending. No nursing home in this area will admit pending Medicaid, Even if they did, there is nowhere for her to go. There is a waiting list of over 100 people. AND she has become aggressive, and unless that can be controlled, the nursing home would not take her even if they have an opening.
My uncle cannot return home if his wife is still there. She is unable to control her violent outbursts, even with Seroquel. Several aides have quit due to her attacking them. It is too dangerous for my uncle to be at home with her. He has never said she has attacked him, but we are sure she has. My uncle would never tell anyone this, or admit it if asked.
What if anything can be done to get one or both of them into a nursing home if there is no Medicaid (they can pay privately while waiting for Medicaid approval) and no room, they are unable to be safe at home, and there are not enough aids to cover them 24/7? They have one daughter who is married, has a three year old, and both she and her husband work full time. They live nearby, but still 35 minutes away. I know some will say "well the daughter just has to quit her job, abandon her family and move in with them". NOT happening. Even it she could quit her job and let her husband fully support the family, she cannot and will not abandon her toddler. She cannot take her daughter with her, as she cannot trust her mother not to hurt her. And separating the child from her father to care for grandma and grandpa is also not happening.
What does an elderly person who cannot care for themselves do when the nursing home says "no room, go home"?