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BIG LOVE to those who:


are doing the best they can when their parent(s) are mean and spiteful and demanding and hateful and scream at them…and nobody else is willing to do anything at all to help.


are caring for loved ones with dementia which is a freaky weird disease that is relentless.


never in their wildest imagination figured their life would revolve around someone else’s bowels.


have siblings who mainly criticize but don’t come around…oh, and are often greedy.


who want to run far far away.


are working full-time and being a wife and mother as well as a primary caregiver and have health issues of their own.


have the unrealistic desire to take a shower and wash their hair.


are more than half crazy from answering the same question over and over and over and over…


are feeling guilty because they often pray for their loved one to die.


feel like their life has been stolen, and they very much want it back.


are in a financial bind and feel hopeless about things changing for the better.


want to sleep from now through the 4th of July (Independence Day!).


don’t know what to do with themselves after their loved one is gone.


Big Love to you all—Lisa

Well...I don't think I conveyed my meaning very well in my original post. I've been reading people's stories on here for awhile now, and my heart hurts for what so many are going through. I was sending my love to all the caregivers, but I chose some examples of what I've seen here many times.

Actually, I'm fortunate when it comes to my care giving situation. My sister and I live in the house where we grew up (never thought that would happen!). We are taking care of our 92 year old mother who is nearing the end of her life. She's on hospice, and her nurse is competent, kind, and caring not only to my mother but to us as well.

My mother is ready to go. Yesterday she told my nephew, "It's all just too much." All of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren came to visit yesterday, and she held court from her bed. She has barely been eating, but yesterday she ate half of a banana split.

We know her time is short, but we're playing the waiting game. Her body is shot, but her mind is as sharp as a new razor blade. One day last week we thought would be her last, and then yesterday, she was enjoying a banana split. My sister has been pleading for my deceased father and sister and grandparents to come get her. Last night she told me one of her bridge friends (Mother is the last remaining of the original eight) came to visit. "She brought her crocheting...can you imagine?"

So I want to extend my empathy and love to all the caregivers because BootShopGirl is right that we each have our own story.
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to kwagmyers
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Thank you so much.... it helps to know that I am not alone with those same thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes....
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Reply to Mom1934
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I feel for you. It's just too much sometimes. Day to day. Easy to say, but try to get some sleep, take a long shower, and try to find your peace of mind. It's out there...somewhere. And let the guilt go...serves NO purpose in this crazy journey.
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Reply to lynnm12
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You will find your way through this. As hard as it may seem take care of yourself. Realize that you can not do anymore than you are already doing. Don't count on those that are not willing to help. It will not help to bring them into the picture. It will only waste your energy. Find a way to get some peace and don't feel guilty about it! It is understandable to have your emotions and you should know that many others in the same situation feel what you are feeling.
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Reply to roscoerocko
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You summed it up very well. I would love to have a life (I'm 68 & very healthy) but most of the above things you describe apply and I am stuck. It sucks. My husband has Parkinson's and I (probably unkindly) expressed to him many of the things you listed in your post. He said he was sorry about that, and what was for supper? I feel like a slave. Hugs to you and keep on keeping on
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Reply to crzyhorseldy
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shad250 Apr 7, 2019
Lol did not affect his appetite
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💘 Thank you 💘
I am slowly realizing that Mother is who she is. Much of the time I don't like her attitude, but I do love her.
Also, I am understanding a lot about why I am who I am -- the good, as well as the not so much; what characteristics about me are useful and what are not; how I want to be remembered and how I would rather not; that change begins with me.
For today, I know I am here in this moment of my life because it's where I'm supposed to be. Today I am at peace with that, but most days I want a "do over".
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Reply to MumsHelper
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So Applause for Miss Lisa! Everyone here has a story. I too, like most of us, are exhausted caregivers who have all given it our best. It is good to give each other a pat on the back (or pushing the like button) in comments! Reading others stories, posts and ideas help us to connect with each other and maybe learn a thing or two. I love you all and everybody try to have a great day!
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Reply to BootShopGirl
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Oh how I needed this!  Thank you for the love and thanks to all who've helped me through some of my darkest days.  Lately, I'm the one who's hateful and that has me so torn.  Thanks again Lisa. 💙
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Reply to dlpandjep
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God bless you and your encouraging spirit. Sometimes I can't even read the posts here - EVEN THOUGH I SIGNED UP. It can just add to my sadness. I'm sure you all know what I mean. Again, what a beautiful heart you have.
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Reply to mamcoombe
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Thanks. We all share this in common. My goal is to hire someone to give me a few hours a day, mainly afternoon so I can get the mowing done. I'd also like to garden & plant some tomatoes. Call me crazy. It will be well worth the money spent to get away. I tried day services in a nursing home for my mom but she tried to hit a resident. I hope I can find a home health aide that won't quit. I've had some lie & make up emergencies & others that cry & quit. But I got mom on an anti anxiety that relaxes her after meals so I'm crossing my fingers she will let an aide stay with her! That said, you're doing an awesome job. In taking care of our parents, you also Must take care of yourself. So figure in plans for self-care.
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Reply to Kelkel
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DebKast29 Apr 9, 2019
Exactly what anti-anxiety medication do you have your mother on? My mother NEEDS to be on medication but, she's "allergic to all mind altering drugs" ... As soon as she reads the side effects... Her family doctor agrees that she needs something for her anxiety, when it spikes up her blood pressure, she takes bp meds, just won't take anti-anxiety meds.... She's had two small strokes in the past 3 weeks, but still insists she's allergic to those kinds of meds..........
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