After a week with my elder parents, we realized they no longer can take care of themselves. What is the next step? - AgingCare.com

After a week with my elder parents, we realized they no longer can take care of themselves. What is the next step?

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My mother, 70, has been suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis everywhere in her body for the past 5 years. We recently went on a trip and finally she agreed on letting us use a wheelchair to help for the week. During the week, we gained a lot of new information. She can no use the restroom by herself, is not brushing her teeth or bathing regularly, and rarely drinks water. My father, 80, is a heart patient and it's tough on him to lift her and take care of himself at the same time. Both are saying they're fine. Though I would love for them to stay in their home as long as possible, I don't think they are taking care of themselves. Mom has lost all interest in life and my dad is starting to just get exhausted. We are all drained of listening to her complain yet not wanting any help. It seems like it's always us just getting through the day instead of having a long-term plan, but no one will talk about it. If we do, she starts crying. I feel guilty feeling annoyed instead of loving the time I have with her, but the time is no longer consisting of making memories- unless listening to the new aches and pains is a memory. Any advice on what to do next would be appreciated.

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so sorry but sometimes u cant do anything my friends mom fell and broke her arm and then they took action and put her in a home- my mom is here with me and i have to make her get up- she will stay in bed all day- does not want to take a shower its hard - but u may have to wait for something to happen cuz i think they still have rights legally if they are ok physically and mentally
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That's a great question- I don't think I can even imagine a time when they would listen or agree to talk about it.
What would I say- maybe try to brain storm ideas with them on how to help the quality of life around their house in regards to movement, bathing, cleaning, etc.
Their fate is not in my hands, nor would I expect it to be that way; however, a long term plan to me would be asking them their ideas while they are mentally sharp. Meaning, at what point do we need to start looking at home-health care, at what point do we need to look into assisted living. All of those uncomfortable situations which I know is not pleasing to talk about, but need to be addressed, you know? I feel like keeping them as independent as possible is the best plan, but I need for them to cooperate and let me know what I can do to help them. For example, getting ramps in the house instead of having her use the steps and fall, or going in and bathing her myself so I know it's being done.
It's just really difficult when they say they're fine, but evidence has shown otherwise.
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Just out of curiousity, if your mother actually would talk about it it with you, instead of crying, what would you say?

If they gave you their full cooperation and trust, and even placed their fate in your hands, what would be your "long-term plan"?
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