Battles started. My parents are in their late 70s, early 80s. They are basically in their right minds. Dad has slow Parkinsons and a heart problem. Mom has very light diabetes, controllable by food.
In most areas, things are decent. But I have definite concerns in other areas. I am an only child, without other family support. Their finances are horrible. They use that as an excuse. They have several accounts in different banks, and they are often overdrawn. Financial paperwork covers a quarter of the kitchen counter. They refuse to do online banking, to see how much money is available before going shopping, etc.- they're scared to death I will get control of their money somehow.
The house is a cluttered mess. When Grandpa died over a decade ago, he sold his and Grandma's house to Mom and Dad for a $1. We've been "moving" ever since - the tornado and the aftermath took care of a year or two. Now the other house is the same way. They're not about to get filing cabinets or anything to actually organize the stuff, so it's in boxes and stacks and piles - my folks have never been good housecleaners or property cleaners. It's junky and embarrassing, and we argue about the time wasted and stuff trying to keep track of stuff. No interest in actually getting rid of things either; my father goes through the trash regularly to ask questions about it and put stuff in his recyclable box.
We do have a serious bathroom problem - the floor has fallen in again around the stool. One of the cat's little boxes plugs it up, but the heater also broke at the end of winter a few months ago. Nothing has been done with the hole for years. They've had countless opportunities to do something, but either it's "I'm going to fix that," or "we don't have the money" - well, now there's not going to be anything done. That's the most serious house problem.
My mother also has serious problems with her knees. She cries a lot with the pain, especially getting up and down, but refuses to do anything about it. Last time her knees were xrayed, they were "fine," so, in her mind, they've stayed that way.
Dad refuses to do anything to help her with her knees. The phone in the bedroom went out months ago. There's a chance the jack has died. She spends much time in the bedroom; the TV is in there from when she had back trouble years ago. Dad doesn't like TV except for news, so it never got put back in the living room because that's his domain. Anyhow, to answer the phone, now she has to get up from the bed (painful knees), walk all the way into the kitchen/dining room/living room (again knees, and she stumbles with her neuropathy - won't use a cane), and answer/talk on the phone. I tried to fix it - I managed a couple of years ago to buy them a pay-by-card Verizon cell phone, which Dad keeps by his side of the bed - and I would call it so she didn't have that far to go, or to get off the bed. Worked a couple of times, and then she or Dad (don't know which) reminded her that it cost money, so now she refuses to answer that phone, and instead goes down the hall. If I don't call, she gets up and calls me. A cheap digital phone at Walmarts, with one station, is just $60, for Pete's sake.
I only get to work one day a week, and I am shuttled there and back. We have one car, and Dad has therapy or Mom's volunteering every single day. I can't make plans; if they need the car for anything at all, then I can forget it. Had a blowup over that a weekend ago, and was basically told "forget what you want."
We make plans, and then when it's time to do them, "oh, we never talked about this," or "that's what you thought we were going to do." or "I never said that." or "I/we can't do that and you know it."
Same with talking to them. "I never said that," and variations on "you're lying."
I get the little condescending pats on the head "don't you worry about it," or "DON'T YOU DO ANYTHING OR TALK TO ANYONE!" Which would be great, except nothing is happening to make things better.
I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to except some long distance friends who let me vent. I fear overloading them; I need someone to talk to/vent with, that is going through/has gone through the same things. Especially as my folks get worse, as I know they will.
Is there a group(s) I can/should start out with? I'm not a caregiver in the normal sense, and I don't have Parkinson's and/or diabetes myself, yet.