They live in Mississippi and I live in Tn. My dad has Alzheimer's and my mother is up in age they are 87 & 86. They live in a small house and so do I, my mother want to buy a house in TN so both of them and my family (wife) can both live in the house. She want to buy the house, then she will sell the house they live in now and I will sell my house and give them the money from my house

travelindan52, with a Revocable Trust, the Trustees [your parents] can do whatever they want. These trusts helps eliminate the need of time involved with Probate later down the road. My Dad's probate was almost 2 years due to the backlog with the County, thus nothing could be distributed for those 2 years, and I had to do IRS Income Taxes those 2 years for my late Dad.

By co-mingling funds with your parents for purchasing a house, it can be quite squirrely if your parents find that they need the help of Medicaid for their care later down the road [Medicaid is different from Medicare].

A better idea is for your parents to move to Independent Living which offers optional skill care for your Dad. They can use the equity they get from selling their home. That way, your parents will be around people closer to their own generation. The facility will offer housekeeping, linen service, and menu meals in the main dining area. Plus activities to keep them busy. My Dad took that route and he loved it :)

And if your Dad needs a higher level of care later on, hopefully the facility has Memory Care, where Dad can move, and your Mom remains in Independent Living. So find a facility that has different care levels. In the mean time, if Mom is social, she would have made new girl friends and that is so very important.

Look around your area and check out the senior communities and the cost. One may sounds less expensive then another but you need to find out what is included or not included in the monthly rent. Also, there is a sense of relief to the parent knowing there is a nurse on duty 24 hours a day in case the parent needs attention.

The place my Dad was in was designed liked a hotel, so it never gave him a sense of being in a facility. Believe me, he was so glad to get away from having to maintain a single family home, it was too much work for him.

Oh, another thing, when elder parents and a grown child find themselves under the same roof, the adult/child dynamics will kick in. You will once again be the "child" with your parents telling you how to do things. And, unfortunately, there cannot be two Queen Bees in a household, your wife might be overwhelmed by your Mom wanting to take control.

So much to think about. Let us know what you all decide.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to freqflyer

Please see an attorney to make sure you aren’t jeopardizing your parents ability to access Medicaid should it be needed.

Anything you do needs to have all aspects thoroughly investigated BEFORE you do them.

Revocable means revocable so CAN you do it legally is not the problem. SHOULD you do it is the issue. And we can’t tell you the answer to that. There are too many variables.

Moving in with another family is always difficult under the best of circumstances.
Your mom no doubt needs help but it would be the end of your own family life. That’s not an exaggeration.

Move your parents closer. That’s a great idea but into the same house is a huge step that could jeopardize all four of your financial futures if not handled properly upfront.
Not to mention your mental health.

Any move is hard on a person with dementia. It usually causes an acceleration.
So whichever move is made for dad should be totally checked out beforehand.

Do you have children? Grands? Are they in your life now? Do you and your wife have great health? Are you willing to forgo your own retirement to become caretakers?

Even if they moved into an ALF you would be busy with their care but no comparison to having them every moment of every day.

It’s good your mom is doing good now but that can all change with one fall.

Does your wife have parents or loved ones who might need her help? Would they be moving in too? Do you have siblings?

Hopefully you will sort through all the possibilities and come up with a good plan. There is a lot of good information on this forum of families who struggle with the very difficult job of being a caretaker.

The good news is your mom knows she needs help and is willing to move. That’s a hill many battles are lost on.
It sounds like she’s open to legal advise as they have the home in a trust.
So you have a lot going your way.
Just be careful.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to 97yroldmom

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