Even before the pandemic, an older male relative did not like to go to the doctor whether sick or for an annual physical. The last time they went, I had to schedule the appointment and he made me feel guilty for pushing him to go. He has taken me to the doctor on occasion (still drives) and part of the excuse for him not going is "you go too much". I have a few health issues but also am very religious about preventive care like colonoscopies and mammograms.
Now it has been more than three years since he had a physical. He says "don't nag me" but I and other relatives go for annual physicals regularly and try to convince him to go too. He has never had a colonoscopy and is well past 50. It's so frustrating, he's a very intelligent man!
I am not noticing any issues except regular alcohol use (1 or 2 drinks per day, most days) and he gets very little sleep (4 - 5 hours per night). Should I notch it up to individuality or is there a way to convince someone to start seeing a doctor regularly and get preventive care?

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Leave him alone and stop applying your standards to him. Some people just want to live instead of living in fear.
Helpful Answer (13)

While I'm sure you are well intentioned, I would totally back off and let him live his life as he sees fit. It's not your responsibility.
Helpful Answer (12)

You mean well, but it is his life, health and body.
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Let him be. To be honest, its none of your business.
Helpful Answer (11)

He "has never had a colonoscopy and is well past 50" - would it shock you to know that nobody in Canada gets a colonoscopy unless they are considered high risk? (We do the FIT test, you might get a lot more cooperation if you used that option too).
And other than taking his blood pressure (which he can do at home or at any pharmacy) and having a routine blood draw to check his blood sugar, triglycerides, and cholesterol what do you expect he'd get from an annual physical?
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MJ1929 Jul 2021
My mother had her first and only colonoscopy at 88. I'm 60 and have yet to have one, and I'm fine with that.

I was also super-rebellious when I was pregnant and didn't get a sonogram with my first child! :-)
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You can lead a horse to water, you can not make them drink.
What we want for others doesn't work unless they want it for themselves.
There are a bunch of sayings like this.
You can not "make" someone do something that they do not want to do.
You can try to convince them.
You can plead.,
But after a while it is a waste of your time and energy.
You take care of yourself. Do what you do to keep yourself healthy.
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I think it would be easier for both of you if you just let him be. I know you worry and that is hard, but it is his choice.
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Why are you so consumed with whether or not this relative goes to the Dr. or not? It seems a bit odd to me. He's a grown ass man, and can do what he wants, if wants and when he wants, so yes, you should leave him alone.
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jemfleming Jul 2021
Not odd at all to care and be concerned about a person who means something to you…. But in the end it is THEIR choice - no one else’s. Just worrisome to the poster since they have feelings for this person and since most of us have heard about or know someone who waited too long such that no medical intervention was helpful or possible.
He has his mind and You should leave him alone.
Not every one sees the need to go get a Physical every year and plenty don't go to see a Dr until they feel bad.
Actually, I'm 69 and I have never had a Colonoscopy and I don't intend too.
Mout everyone has pollops anyway and usually are not cancerous and even if they were, if your old, You would die of something else before the cancer pollops anyway.
Also, most Seniors are on way too many Rx's prescribed by Dr's and each time they prescrib something. Thete are side effects and you have to take something else for that, on and on a ficious cycle.

I say have nice visits with your Senior and stop bothering him about going to the Dr. It's his Life and he should live it however he wants.

You have already voiced your opinion too many times and he knows how you think.
He even drives, so if he wants to go to a Dr he will.

His Life, His Decision.
Helpful Answer (8)

Leave him alone. I don't know what you think of as "elder" but we are totally capable of making our own choices on our health. I refuse my annual check ups, I don't need and MOT like a car, I know if I feel healthy and to be honest something will kill me one day, and I don't want to take medication on the off chance it may do some good. So leave me alone and don't treat me like an idiot. Its very nice of you to care, but I have made my choice, I am compos mentis to do so, and who wants to live to be old, incapable and have reduced mental capacity. OK - we are not talking about me, but I don't read anything in your post that suggests the relative you are talking about needs your assistance or is incapable of making all the decisions mentioned above.
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