He is in a NH and stated daily I want to come home. I still work cause we have real bills and I am not going to lose my home. I am stuck.

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My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in July of 2018. He had had a massive stroke in 1996, at the age of 48, and I was made aware at that time that his odds of developing dementia down the road, was very high because of him having his stroke. He first started having incontinence issues, and then he started falling a lot. It was then that his neurologist started mentioning vascular dementia, as that usually starts with physical issues before you start to notice any mental decline. Shortly thereafter he was diagnosed with it, and I was told by his neurologist that the life expectancy for someone with vascular dementia was 5-7 years, as it is the most aggressive of the dementias. That has since now changed to a 5 year life expectancy. So he was diagnosed in July 2018 and in Nov. 2018, my husband developed aspiration pneumonia, along with sepsis and septic shock, and almost died several times because of it, and I was told that because of his vascular dementia, his brain wasn't communicating with his throat to shut any more, and that's why his food went into his lungs instead of his stomach, causing the aspiration pneumonia. Well he ended up surviving all that, but was completely bedridden when he came home and was under Hospice care. He remained under Hospice care, and completely bedridden for 22 months in our home, until he recently died on Sept. 14th. That was his wish, to die at home, and while it was very difficult for me at times, I am so grateful that I was able to honor his wishes.

So not to scare you, but to make you aware that if in fact your husband does have vascular dementia, his life expectancy is not as long as most of the other dementias. So make your decisions with open eyes, knowing that his time is more limited. That might help you put things in a better perspective. There are no easy answers for you, and I wouldn't even think about telling you what you should be doing, as everyone's circumstances are different, and you have to do what's best for you and your husband. I just don't want you to have any regrets down the road.

I miss my husband every day, and would give anything to have just one more sweet hug from him. Praying for wisdom and discernment for you as you go forward.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

I guess you were editing your question as I was posting my response. as it now is more complete and has a few more details.
I am going to take a guess and you are talking about Vascular Dementia.
This is a form of dementia that is caused by many very little strokes that happen. A larger stroke may be noticeable where it is typical and you have some weakness in one side of your body. The strokes that happen with Vascular Dementia are so minor that most go undetected.
There may be a day when he could dress himself then the next day he can not tie his shoes, or does not know how to put his pants on. This change may have been caused by a stroke that effected just a small part of his brain.
He can go from walking one day to not walking.
Alzheimer's another form of dementia has a slow and steady decline but Vascular Dementia can have faster declines and a sharper decline.
There is a good possibility that unlike other forms of dementia your husband will have a major stroke. It would be for you to decide, and best to do it now, what measures you want taken. There is nothing that will cure the damage that has occurred. And the mini strokes will continue causing more damage.
You can look up on line the various stages of forms of dementia and many people have losses in several stages, while they can still do things in stages where they should not be able to. (I hope that made sense)
There are support groups on line, this is just one. The Alzheimer's Association also has a phone line that is answered 24/7
Their phone number is 1-800-272-3900.
If you need help yourself ask the Social Worker at the Nursing Home where he is and find out if she or he has any resources for you.
If your husband is a Veteran please contact the VA there may be a lot they can do and both of you may be eligible for benefits depending on where and when he served.
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Reply to Grandma1954

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