My aunt changes the type of assistance she will accept, sometimes every day. No dementia - just lost touch with reality? I'm a wreck.

You've had some real family tragedies this year and my condolences and heart go out to you.

What is your aunt's health condition? What kind of daily assistance does she need? She's probably trying to retain her independence by resisting assistance. If she can do certain things, let her. Don't be too helpful.

If you suspect dementia, make an appt w/ her PCP for dementia screening. If he/she suspects some cognitive issues, your aunt would be referred to a specialist for further evaluation. Present it to your aunt, however, as a regular checkup, not a dementia evaluation.

If she is competent to make her own decisions, there's nothing you can do about that. You can't force her into a facility, nor will having her POA allow you to place her. Get the dementia screening and go from there.

The cold truth is most people do not wish to move to a facility. Whether they are in their own home, or in your home... if they have help on call... "I am very comfortable right where I am thankyou very much!"

Is Aunt mostly independant eg can arrange her own deliveries & services if you went away for a month? Semi-dependant needing help weekly? Or fully dependant needing daily help for many activities of daily living?

She may have denial or dementia. Getting a full medical & needs assesment done may show the way forward.

In your profile, you say you have decided to get support rather than remain on the pity pot. But there is another choice -- stop taking care of her and put her in a facility!

SHE doesn't want to go to a facility? Well, SO WHAT? What about YOU? Are you going to continue to sacrifice your own health?

Do you have POA for her? If not, who does? I would step away and give the responsibility to someone else.

Being an Aunt, I wonder if you and your siblings were raised by her rather than your mother. If the relationship is close like a mother. First I would say your Aunt needs to set up a POA as soon as possible. Then she needs to go to a doctor and get checked out and have a test for dementia or other possible issues. I agree w a previous poster, that being out of touch and constantly changing her mind is a definite sign of some type of mental issue. It seems a universal phenomenon that one family member ends up with the total responsibility of caring for a loved one. Certainly not right, but it happens.

A lot has happened in the last 7 months. At 92 there is probably some form of decline. Was ur Mom her sister, if so loss there and losing a niece. If these people helped with her care, then she now needs to make an adjustment.

As Geaton said, a good physical would not hurt. Labs would find any levels that were too high or too low. A neurological check up would not hurt. If she is living on her own, maybe your County Office of Aging can evaluate her needs.

If your Mom was her Caregiver, be aware you are not your Mom. You have different responsibilities. What does Aunt change her mind about? Is it an emergency? You don't need to be at her beck and call. If she has money then she can pay for help. Cleaning her house, mowing her lawn. Prescriptions delivered. She needs to understand you can not do it all. Boundries if she can understand them. One day a week you grocery shop and run errands for her. My MIL shopped almost everyday. If we had been her Caregivers, that would not have happened. I didn't do it for my Mom.

You won't know for sure whether she has dementia (or another medical problem, like a UTI) until someone takes her to the doctor and she gets an exam and cognitive test. If you are the only one in a position to make this happen, please do. If she's having age-related decline she is less and less able to understand why she should do this herself...her grasp of reason and logic are fading.

Does anyone have durable PoA for her? This should happen before any diagnosis of dementia. This is it's own topic, for without someone having PoA for her and therefore being her legal medical and financial representative, the only other options are for someone to pursue guardianship through the courts or to wait for the county to come in and get guardianship.

Best to start by figuring out what is actually her main problem and then it will be easier to know what to do for her next.

Maybe some more info is needed. IS she living with you? Are you caring for her daily, several days a week or is she living in assisted living of some kind and you provide added support?

If she's NOT living with her, just doing what you can and walking out is just fine. Likely she doesn't even remember.

I washed my mom's windows 5 years ago for mother's day. Went back to do them again this year and she insisted that I had done them just months ago. (60 months, to be exact). I had to scrape the hard water stains off with a razor..so it had def been 5 years.

She didn't appreciate nor comment on them. Then later I heard that she was SO GRATEFUL that YB and his wife had washed her windows. SIL called me to say that she had done them almost 10 years ago and what was up?

We try not to let stuff like this get to us. Luckily, I don't live with her, so I can easily get over any 'losses of reality'.

Losing touch with reality is certainly some form of dementia. Especially changing her mind so frequently . I suggest a cognitive test by a geriatric Dr.