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Mom 87 mild dementia has been bedridden since falling in Dec breaking hip pelvis and shoulder. They only thing keeping her in bed is her refusal to allow hoyer lift to put her in a chair. They give pain med & anti-anxiety med prior. Her shoulder and hip healed. Pelvis won't heal due to immobility. She screams and protests if we put her in hoyer. Once shes in a chair shes comfortable. Its very distressing hearing her yelling while using hoyer. The SNF is reluctant to use it if we aren't there because they say the resident has the right to refuse. Her fear of getting in it is what's standing between being bedridden and isolated with total care and improving her status. She sees a counselor but ge never addresses her fears. She's refused PT and they won't touch her if she says no. They dr writes orders for PT but she refuses

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I don’t blame her for the fear. I hated the Hoyer with my parents, both in nursing home setting and at home. Neither of my parents felt comfortable or secure in it, I’m not sure I would either. We didn’t persist in trying it with my dad. Maybe listen to mom on this one. I’m sorry it might just be another of many losses on the long road
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Let her be . Your wishes for how her life could be is not what Mom wants . Stop this scary hoyer . It may not be comfortable with a broken pelvis . She’s had enough trauma . She has a right to refuse .

It’s “ very distressing “ for you to hear her yell . Imagine how she feels .
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Reply to waytomisery
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waytomisery Aug 19, 2025
Often a big fall is the beginning of the end . They lose the will . Getting her up makes you feel better . Mom refuses PT , could be she is tired of living .
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My Mom was also 87 with mild dementia, bedbound and was quite afraid of the Hoyer Lift at first. We practiced having her in the sling over the bed for 5 to 10 minutes at a time. Would play some Elvis Presley on Alexa and we'd sing a bit.

Then after a few days of that, I'd crank it up a bit higher, and adjust it so she could sit in the sling over the bed, legs dangling outside. We'd talk, and she'd always get a treat afterwards.

Soon, we were able to use it. By "we" I mean me by myself, with her in the Sling - over the wheelchair, then I'd very slowly lower her into it.

I initially had a Physical Therapist come to our house to train me in how to use the Hoyer Lift with her, and also watched You Tube Videos on how to do it.
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Reply to QuiltedBear
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Why do this to someone at the end of their life. If she’s terrified of the Hoyer lift, don’t add any trauma. Keep her in bed and keep her comfortable and content. She has dementia. Just let her be.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Kalamazootx1 Aug 23, 2025
Im not trying to torture her. She has mild dementia at this point and is very social before the fall. Was driving and living alone. Im just trying to encourage her to improve her condition so she can get out of her room and enjoy the rest of her life the best she can. Im not doing any of it for myself
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Could the lift be causing her pain? The sling/seat might be squeezing her pelvis which you say has not healed. If there is medical supervision, you might be able to immobilize the pelvis and use a supine sling to avoid squeezing the pelvic area, but the aides at a SNF may not have adequate skill to do that. If the Hoyer lift is causingmovement of a broken pelvis, your mother is justified in screaming and protesting. I would too.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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QuiltedBear has a great way to try getting her used to it.
This would take time and many facilities simply do not have the staff to allow daily or several times a day staff to take 30 minutes to get a resident used to a Hoyer.
(I say 30 minutes because you have to get the equipment, get the resident in the sling, hook it up then either remain there for a bit with no movement or raising it for a few minuets to lower it and remove the sling and return the equipment. And it takes 2 staff with the equipment not just 1.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Hothouseflower Aug 19, 2025
It is a two person transfer to use the Hoyer lift for my father. It takes around 45 minutes to get him out of bed and dressed. And the process is reversed in the evening. These transfers are big undertakings. He lets the nurses do what they need to do and doesn't complain about it. Should there ever come a time that he just wanted to stay in bed, I would just give it up to the gods and let him stay there for the rest of his life. As long as he is cared for, there is nothing to be gained by doing anything extra for him at this point. He is a step up from being a vegetable and is not going to get better.
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Could Mom walk before her fall? If so, it may be reasonable for her to TRY standing again.

Obviously with support of physiptherapist & probably a standing machine with waist belt sling to start. Once Mom can stand (supported) she may get her confidence.

I have seen this done many times. Fear/hatred of the lifting hoist. Pain too - it bends a person at the shoulders & hips which considering your Mom's shoulder & pelvis injuries could be awful.

I get that a person has the right to refuse. But, some physios can be more 'encouraging' with their approach.

😃 Positive manner
🦵 A clear goal
☕️ A reward

eg Hello Mrs Lovely! How are you this fine day? I would LOVE to see you sitting up in your chair today. I will then bring you a nice hot cuppa. Whattya say?

We could use this flying machine.. (wait for the refusal) OR THIS! Staff enter with the standing machine. Once there is a CHOICE, often the elder chooses the 2nd option. Once standing, even just 2 mins to start, every day the legs start to gain back strength.

Goal may or may not be for true walking (have to be Ax) but for Mom to be 1-2 assist with frame to pivot transfer to her chair.
Avoiding the dreaded hoist!

PS my role is to be the smiling one wheeling the 2nd equipment in 😁

PPS *Staying in bed* is a stage that will happen for many of us. Your Mom will be the judge of when that will be.
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Reply to Beatty
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Hothouseflower Aug 20, 2025
A choice? The staff are so stretched so thin where my father is that there is absolutely no time to indulge a patient with dementia with some sort of semblance of choice. Just so not happening.
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Kalamazootx1: Prayers forthcoming.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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My mother's nursing care roommate is terrified every single time she is Hoyer'd but the staff get her up whenever they can because she can't tolerate lying on her side and her pressure sores can be bad. Getting her into a chair helps change position a bit. I was hoping you'd have a suggestion here that I could present to my mom's family/caregivers but see nothing feasible so far.
I wonder if some type of bribery might work for your mom? It wouldn't work for my mom's roommate since her family brings all sorts of treats and she eats at will (many kids/grandkids). Or, if you could afford it, maybe something special to look at in a Visual Realty type thing?
I sure hope someone has a simple idea that would work in a nursing home setting!
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Reply to ElsieV
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