My parents lived in the same house for 63 years, and I had to move them in with us 2 years ago because dad's health was failing. They hated moving to another state and didn't know anyone here except me, my husband and our kids. He passed away last year and now my mother has no will to do anything but sleep and watch TV. She refuses to go to any senior social activities, she doesn't want to meet anyone new, she doesn't want counseling, she just wants to die and be with my dad, but she's not at that stage of life. With the exception of needing a walker, she is healthy, although she has lost about 50 lbs, and doesn't eat well. I help her shower, but it's a huge ordeal, and she never wants to do it. I have to make her do it once a week, sometimes it's after two weeks. All of her friends have passed away too except for one she talks with on the phone once a week. I can't motivate her to do anything. Should I push her more or just set up a time to drop her off at a senior center and see how it goes?
If I get to that age the first thing I’d want is for everyone to leave me be until it’s too much trouble with diapers and such. If I had to move into a home the last thing I’d need is group socialization.
“ Your mother would rather be miserable , accept it “.
He was right, because nothing I tried or suggested , motivated or made Mom happy .
Please get her some medical help.
There may be a chance of early dementia as well . Mom needs to see the doctor.
Some very elderly who have lost a spouse , most of their friends, and on top
of it moved from their long time home late in life , never get over grieving all these losses.
My mother never did . She said the same thing . She didn’t want to live without my father .
Plus it sounds like she's still grieving the loss of her husband and is depressed. Top that off with dementia, and of course she's not motivated to do anything.
Have you talked to her doctor so they can recommend some type of anti-depressant for her, and if not why not?
Until her depression and dementia are addressed, I'm not sure there will be much motivation going on with her. I just hope that it doesn't stop you and your husband from going out and enjoying your lives, and that you're not allowing her to drag you both down with her.
And it may be time to look into placing her in an assisted living facility, where she will be around other folks her age, and get involved with the many activities they offer if and when she decides to get back to living and enjoying her life.
My dad passed 15 months ago from dementia plus other conditions. My mom is 80 and doesn’t miss him at all. She uses a walker, gave up driving, has only one friend who visits her maybe once a month. I visit her 3X per week. She hasn’ t seen a Dr in 30+ years. I have given up urging her to try new things as she rejects 99.9% of my suggestions. She reads and plays on the computer and watches birds at the feeders that I fill for her. She does eat plenty (gets groceries delivered) and showers daily with a shower chair and handheld shower head.
good luck!
Weight loss is not good. Can you convince her to see a doctor?
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