My 68 yr. old brother is refusing rehab, refusing a leg amputation and has a bad heart valve. For 7 months now he has been in and out of the hospital with leg infections, sepsis, etc and needs an amputation and heart valve surgery but is too infected to have either. Because he was in a horrible rehab facility last Dec. (I think he may have had a nervous breakdown there) he refuses to go back to one and so the hospitals send him home with minimal care (people to wrap his wounds, check his vitals etc) and the rest of his care falls to me his sister (69) or anyone I can hire. Often he signs himself out without the drs. OK and doesn't follow any of the doctors instructions like keeping his legs raised or not loosening his bandages.
He has some money but is too cheap to hire someone at more than $15.00 per hour so we get people who just don't come, or he drives them away with his demands. For $15.00 an hour he wants them at his beck and call to do yard stuff, pick him up at the hospital, and drop everything at a moments notice to do what he wants. I live 45 min. away and have my own health problems as does my husband. He is starting to have dementia and gets confused and forgetful and although he was never a mean person, he can be now. He will not give up control of anything and if I try to hire people on my own he refuses to interview them or takes a dislike or whatever without even trying. I am exhausted and stressed and don't know how to help anymore. I don't know if he lies to us or just forgets but we get very different stories from the hospital people than what he tells us.
I can't just leave him on his own; he can't walk or do anything at all, is too weak to push himself in a wheelchair and has limited use of his hands from neuropathy. I am so tempted sometimes to just leave him alone but how can you just leave someone in that condition? Even getting to Drs. costs him $150.00 a trip for a wheelchair van, so me or his caretaker of the moment have to come, get his car and drive him. He just wants to die I think and believes people just want to take his leg because they make a lot of money off of the operation. He will not take medication for depression, only anxiety, and refuses any medication he feels is superfluous.
Anyone have any ideas of where to turn?