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She has severe macular degeneration and has decided she does not want to leave her condo. She has no other physical issues. She has an aide during the day and when I don’t order any chocolate for her to have in the house she gets furious with the aides and very abusive to them. I am afraid they will quit. Her friends bring her chocolate even tho I ask them to stop. They say she is so old she should be able to do what she wants. All she does is sit in the sofa all day listening to the radio and is starting to have trouble standing up due to her weight. I don’t know what to do.

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My mother will be 93 later this month. She loves chocolate and has gained a bunch of weight as a result of her new sweet tooth. Who cares? If your mother is going to throw a fit and get furious and abusive with the aides for not allowing her to have chocolate, then why are you fighting this? What is the point? If she gets sick, she gets sick. If she has a 'health crisis' as a result and it falls on you, so be it. And how will that be any worse than the crisis she's ALREADY creating from not getting her chocolate?

Come on folks. At 99, her days are limited. She's going to pass away NO MATTER what is done or not done here, let's face it. My cousin makes her uncle's life a torture chamber at 99 years old telling him what's 'healthy' and what's 'unhealthy'. He doesn't care. He takes Prilosec and enjoys his pepperoni pizza. That's how things should be, in my opinion.

Just my 2 cents
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cwillie Jan 12, 2020
I mostly agree with you but I also can see where Geaton is coming from - it's always a balancing act and if this is the tipping point that increases her level of disability then that in turn will lead to a lower QOL, as well as increasing the burden of care.
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Feed her chocolate. She is 99 years old. Let her eat herself to the grave if she wants.
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I am 93, always crazy about chocolate as my husband was. Now I have lost him, 22 months ago, I cry myself to sleep every night and I buy 3 Kgs of good dark chocolate at a time through the internet to keep me up and about for another month. By the way I have not gained even a pound lately.

When you reach a certain age and you have lost everything and everybody with whom you could relate, while for your children and grand children and great grandchildren you are somebody they love dearly and pity a little, who is too old to understand today's life and is still glued to memories of things that are boring and even difficult to believe, when you reach the point you know you have no real future on your path, you have to stick to the few things that give you pleasure to find the strength to resist standing up on the lounching pad waiting for the call to go.

So, Linda, Do not worry about your mother, she knows what's good for her. Let her have it, as much as she needs and of the kind she prefers. And do it with a smile on your face and let her friends give her what they want otherwise they might stop visiting her afraid to displease you. Let's hope your mother is as stubborn as I am so that once you stop pushing her she'll cut on the quantity of chocolate by herself. You know, at a certain age we have the impression that everybody is bossing us and that we are considered and treated like small children so we try very hard to show that we are still mature adults with our personality , our ideas and our dignity and we hate to be pushed around by our know-it-all children.

Best wishes to you and most of all to your mother who evidently finds it difficult to adapt to the idea of getting really old. I keep telling my people that should I be still alive, in a few years they could sell me as an antique on e-Bay and get rid of me.
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lealonnie1 Feb 14, 2020
Amen to what you've so eloquently written here, and God bless you, too. My condolences over the loss of your dear husband.
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She's right. At 99 she has earned the right to eat and drink what she wants. Let her enjoy her remaining days.
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Let her eat whatever she wants. If you buy her quality chocolate, I find that cuts the craving in half or more. Those Lindt chocolate truffles? I order them for Xmas and get 375 at a time. Super cheap and so good. Pop them in the freezer and pull out 10 or more each day. She might find them much more satisfying than 'kid chocolate' which is often made of a wax fillers and don't scratch that itch.
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worriedinCali Jan 11, 2020
Yep. And if she likes dark chocolate, all the better because of the health benefits.
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Shes 99, sweets or no sweets her ticket out has been punched. Let her eat them. Cant take em with her.
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Tizaboy Feb 14, 2020
I agree totally. My grandmother loved sweets, she always did. I sent her a box of candy when she was in a regular nh. They refused to let her have it. I was furious. She was 98 and died shortly after. I'm still unhappy about that. It would be cruel at this point to cut the mother off. What a nonissue.
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What you do is let her life her life. She’s 99 years old. LET HER EAT HER CHOCOLATE. I’m sure her age has something to do with why she’s starting to have difficulty standing up.
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She's 99..... Enough said.
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Reply to Edward1234
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I do find this a bit amusing, only because I recently started craving chocolate...not the candy as much as CHOCOLATE PUDDING....YUMM

I think I paid for the last bought of overindulgence, however. I got a bad case of gout in my big toe. Should that happen to your Mom, she might not get over the craving, but might be less anxious to satisfy it. I don't think it happens to everyone, but when it happened to me, I looked up possible causes. One listed was CHOCOLATE. I had just finished off a large bowl all by myself. Twice in a week.

Anyhow, I was going to suggest keeping boxes of chocolate pudding in her home, so that she doesn't run out. Don't know if the pudding is any better for her, healthwise, but here is what was said on HEALTHWISE.
"If you buy quality dark chocolate with a high cocoa content, then it is actually quite nutritious.
It contains a decent amount of soluble fiber and is loaded with minerals.
A 100-gram bar of dark chocolate with 70–85% cocoa contains
(1):
11 grams of fiber
67% of the RDI for iron
58% of the RDI for magnesium
89% of the RDI for copper
98% of the RDI for manganese
It also has plenty of potassium, phosphorus, zinc and selenium."

It is also loaded with powerful antioxidants.

Maybe her body is lacking some of these minerals, therefore the craving. I don't really see anything to worry about at her age. What does her doctor say?
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My question is why now? Here's one thing I found:

"Chocolate: Cravings for chocolate may be a need for magnesium, and some people find they can satisfy the craving by eating magnesium-rich foods, such as almonds. If nothing but chocolate will do, opt for dark, milk-free chocolate that contains at least 70 percent cocoa."

I also read that it raises the level of dopamine and makes the person feel good. I understand your concern. Gaining weight at Moms age can cause problems. Her body is not used to the extra weight. I would ask her PCP to have lab work done. To see if magnesium or something else is causing the craving. If found not, then I guess your going to let her have her chocolate. But a sudden craving can be a sign of the body lacking something.
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