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She has severe macular degeneration and has decided she does not want to leave her condo. She has no other physical issues. She has an aide during the day and when I don’t order any chocolate for her to have in the house she gets furious with the aides and very abusive to them. I am afraid they will quit. Her friends bring her chocolate even tho I ask them to stop. They say she is so old she should be able to do what she wants. All she does is sit in the sofa all day listening to the radio and is starting to have trouble standing up due to her weight. I don’t know what to do.

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Facts are:
🔹The OP did not state an actual amount of chocolate her mother was eating, so a dietitcian could not calculate the quantities that would result in that much weight gain.
🔹The OP concluded that her mother gained because of the chocolate. That could be faulty reasoning. There could be so many reasons, including medication, and failure to move around and exercise. Maybe we will never know, because....the OP did not return.
🔹The sky is blue.
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That is true. I have seen some people gain weight from certain medications.
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Dark chocolate is supposed to be good for us! Yum. 😊
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Truly people, life is too short to get so offended. To those who were aghast at my comments, cool down. This is a public forum. I have a right to my opinion. I didn't name any names. I just said I was surprised at the frivolous comments.

I didn't say anything about depriving someone of the pleasures in life. But to give anyone, let alone a 99 year old enough chocolate to the point where they gain 20 Ibs in two months is beyond ridiculous. (In my opinion)

Sorry, I stand by my comments.
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I wonder what makes some people gain weight so rapidly. I always wanted to gain a little weight. My doctor tells me to gain a few pounds. I just don’t gain weight.

I do love chocolate! Dark chocolate is my favorite.
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The OP has left the building.
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Just let her enjoy her only pleasure! She’s 99 ...not 69 or 59 ...if she gets diabetes? Is that what you’re worried about? Just let her enjoy! My mother’s 92 ...93 next month & I get her chocolate cheerios & chocolate Chex for breakfast. She also has cheese danish (mini) w coffee. She loves it & looks forward to it. She also likes lifesavers lozenges & repeats the phrase, “Give me a sucking candy!” All day long. Sometimes it’s the only thing she says all day. Oh, I almost forgot...there’s also chocolate Ensure...& I tell her it’s a chocolate milkshake...& she’ll eat it w her favorite peanut butter & cheese cookies! She’s immobile, incontinent, miserable & nasty otherwise so be it! Hugs 🤗
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Has anyone noticed that the O P seems to have left the building? Don't think she needs anymore comments. This subject is filling up my inbox. :-)
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CW, the thought of eating five and a half Hershey bars every day, day in day out for two months, has just put me right off chocolate. Thank you Royneberg!
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Royneberg Feb 2020
You are welcome! :)
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I agree with the person who said this could create further problems down the road that may be even harder to handle. Sure she is 99 and has earned the rate to eat chocolate but what if she lives to be 106. It could happen. Then what? She'll probably have full blown Diabetes by then and then the OP will have an even tougher time taking care of her.

I'm surprised at the frivolous comments.

Someone is bringing her the chocolate. That's called being codependent. Let her scream at the aides. You want her to stop eating chocolate? Make sure she doesn't get it anymore or watch her get fatter and fatter and get sicker and sicker. It's pretty simple in my opinion.
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careinhome Feb 2020
Yours is the frivolous comment.
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This thread needs to stop showing up in my news feed, it is making me crave chocolate...😋
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Hahaha 😂, me too! Dark chocolate.
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You know, at 99 if she wants to eat all the Godiva, Hershey’s, Dove, any kind of chocolate that she wants I would let her have it!
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shad250 Feb 2020
And the poop that can come with it
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Let her have all the chocolate she wants. She’s 99! Let her splurge .
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Why? She’s 99. Let her do what she wants. Nature will take its course. She will end up in rehab when she hurts herself and that will be a natural transition out of her condo. You don’t take her back. We can’t make our parents “want” to live - even though we do.

I’d be curious to know from others if their parents eat more sweets? I’ve always heard that’s the last taste to go and I notice my mom eats more sweets.
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Not much you can do at this point in time. Try to limit what you bring in and hope she gets to live until 100. She has gotten this far thus far.
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Please get her to her physician for a complete physical and go from there.
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Laura,
3 kgs. per month is a little more than 6 lbs. a month.
I looked this up for the U.S. readers here, and myself because I never learned to convert kgs to lbs.

I like your idea to order it monthly.

So sorry to hear that you have lost your husband, after taking such good care of him all those years! I do not know you, but was so impressed with your post, I looked up some of your great answers.

Hope you are getting along well these days. Chocolate really does help, doesn't it? An antioxidant we are told.
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Sendhelp Feb 2020
Testing 1, 2, 3,
AgingCare is changing some features, so as a member here, I am testing out the ability to edit a reply. If it works, I will be back to say it worked or not, below:

Editing this "reply" has worked.
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I am 93, always crazy about chocolate as my husband was. Now I have lost him, 22 months ago, I cry myself to sleep every night and I buy 3 Kgs of good dark chocolate at a time through the internet to keep me up and about for another month. By the way I have not gained even a pound lately.

When you reach a certain age and you have lost everything and everybody with whom you could relate, while for your children and grand children and great grandchildren you are somebody they love dearly and pity a little, who is too old to understand today's life and is still glued to memories of things that are boring and even difficult to believe, when you reach the point you know you have no real future on your path, you have to stick to the few things that give you pleasure to find the strength to resist standing up on the lounching pad waiting for the call to go.

So, Linda, Do not worry about your mother, she knows what's good for her. Let her have it, as much as she needs and of the kind she prefers. And do it with a smile on your face and let her friends give her what they want otherwise they might stop visiting her afraid to displease you. Let's hope your mother is as stubborn as I am so that once you stop pushing her she'll cut on the quantity of chocolate by herself. You know, at a certain age we have the impression that everybody is bossing us and that we are considered and treated like small children so we try very hard to show that we are still mature adults with our personality , our ideas and our dignity and we hate to be pushed around by our know-it-all children.

Best wishes to you and most of all to your mother who evidently finds it difficult to adapt to the idea of getting really old. I keep telling my people that should I be still alive, in a few years they could sell me as an antique on e-Bay and get rid of me.
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lealonnie1 Feb 2020
Amen to what you've so eloquently written here, and God bless you, too. My condolences over the loss of your dear husband.
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Oh my goodness! Why all these worries about the diet of a 99 year old person?True many people now live to be 100 and older, extending life while causing misery not a good goal. Surely, not a bad idea to check for some dietary deficiency, but ease up please!
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Riverdale Feb 2020
I think there is a fear of significant weight gain in certain elders because of how it will impact lives. My mother will tell me about all the starches she avoids yet will consume milkshakes the snack bar makes to order. I wish the facility had never installed this yet I don't see many overweight residents. I dread the thought of her becoming less mobile as she isn't too mobile presently. The vision of her lying in bed in a NH environment weighing what she does is a depressing thought. I feel she would be neglected to a degree. She just keeps on ticking despite years of neglecting her health and there is only so much I can worry about. I try to do what I can for her but it is very frustrating to deal with someone's declining health when they self sabotage continuously for years.
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Rapid weight gain is sometimes linked with congestive heart failure or renal failure. This can make mobility difficult. Weight loss in the elderly can be caused by lower caloric intake (food just doesn't taste good so they eat less.) Google "cardiac cachexia" as well. At age 99, she may have some CHF or renal disease. A checkup with blood work can help make a determination. It's good to move around a little and someone suggested a PT evaluation to help with this. A regular exercise program and outings may not be the best idea for someone her age and with her vision limitations. Based on the behaviors alone, seems like she may be "checking out."
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How much did she weigh to start with?
How much chocolate is she eating?
What sort of chocolate does she most enjoy?
What else is she eating?
Are you sure the mobility loss is all to do with her weight?

20lbs in two months... I'm trying to tot up how much chocolate you'd have to put away to gain that much weight. The calculation defeats me, but it must be a fair old bit, surely.

Have you had a quick look at her lower legs to see if there's any oedema? That can also lead to rapid weight gain and decreased mobility; and it's the work of a moment to rule it out.
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Royneberg Feb 2020
3,500 calories (according to Live Strong) = 1 lb of weight gain. 20 lbs = an extra 70,000 calories in 2 months. 1 Hershey's bar has 214 calories. 70,000/214=327 Hershey's bars. 327/60 (days in 2 months) = 5.5 chocolate bars per day. Of course other candy bars have more calories. I just picked one off the top of my head.
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I have the issue of weight gain with my mother. Some time ago the AL facility put in a snack bar. They make coffee milkshakes which my mother loves. It has easily put at least 10 pounds on her maybe more. She was already overweight. All I could do was tell her recently when she developed severe back pain was tell her once again(I have been dealing with her weight issues since the 1970's)that excess weight would only make her problems worse and she could end up in a nursing home with no mobility. That has curbed the consumption of the milkshakes for now.
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I have to agree, at 99 let her have what makes her happy......
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cak2135 Feb 2020
When it's time for your mother to go to Heaven where the Angels fly, she'll go with a smile on her face. My mother was also a chocoholic; she didn't seem to gain any weight. I am also a chocoholic but I watch myself
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I would agree with the majority here, let her eat it so long as it isn't causing other issues (besides the weight gain). I take this track with my mom and she is 85. I will let her eat what ever she wants so long as it doesn't have milk or milk products. She is severely lactose intolerant so the least little bit causes a lot of not desirable effects in toileting. Once in a while I stock up on gloves and such and just say screw it and let her have it anyway. She thinks she it is just like Christmas day and happily eats it even though she knows she will end up having to take a shower while I clean everything from the bedroom to the bathroom!! I do it because I want however many days she has left on this earth to be happy. With her dementia, she never remembers "the event" and the next time she gets the sweet treat, it is the same as the first....lots of oh boy, chocolate! and lots of I love yous! I will take them for as long as I can, regardless of the work afterwards!
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I would try to slip the chocolate flavor into her regular food. Instead of tea, cocoa for example. Cocoa krispies instead of corn flakes. It may satisfy her chocolate craving but improve the nutritional value. Second, give her a reason to want to go out. Take her out to a restaurant or park that is just too irresistible to pass up. Make her "exercise" fun. After all, she is 99.
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Make sure she has some chocolate for Valentine's Day.
Make it worth her while:
Chocolate covered almonds
Chocolate covered cranberries
Chocolate covered oranges
Chocolate covered raisins
Chocolate covered anything.
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Psyclinz Feb 2020
Great suggestions for wiggling in some vitamins! YUM!
For Valentines and ever other day too :)))

Oh, and chocolate covered strawberries are so delish too (if you can get the strawbs at this time of year. I'm in the southern hemisphere so they are plentiful :)
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Ask her doctor about getting PT. It will get her up and moving to keep her mobile longer. You might check out some healthier snack bars that have a little chocolate in them to satisfy the sweet tooth.

Some of the weight gain is probably due to more sitting than ever before. I'm a chocoholic - so that craving is real! To a degree, I think at her age if she wants chocolate, let her have it BUT also understand the additional calories with less exercise. Hope you can find a happy medium in the problem.
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She's 99..... Enough said.
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Let her eat the chocolate. She is 99. If that is what gives her a quality of life at this time in her life, let her have it. It is ok.
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Let her eat whatever she is 99. Worried about trouble standing you saiid you have an aide. Have her get up a couple times. If worried call in pt. My mother in law is 92 and likes her chocolate also. We give her what she wishes. Problem is she constantly losing weight. We also have accepted it may be time to just enjoy any good and bad days, weeks months year she has left Good luck
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Folks, the original post was over a month ago, and unless my eyes deceive me, the OP hasn't been back since.    

But the discussions of chocolate are interesting!


And, OTOH, what could be more appropriate for Valentines' Day than discussing chocolate?   I think I'll make some fudge to celebrate the day.
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Please beware of impending dental issues with that sugar on the teeth ...don't want to make life more complicated for you...but my mom has dementia and eats/grazes through the day including sweets. At some point she stopped brushing her teeth as well, and now has 13 cavities and a couple teeth beyond restoration...it's a nightmare.
Would consulting with her MD help? Do you have POA? I have to admit I tend to slide into the camp of let her do whatever she wants...but then the issue of her not being able to stand due to the weight, which could lead to incontinence issues (not being able to get up fast enough to the bathroom)...that concerns me.
I often think "what would I want"...
Does she eat other food/meals during the day. Can it be rationed out? Or is that too insulting and juvenile? Heck, maybe she's found the secret of survival is eating chocolate with no other health issues.
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