Anyone else feel sad when there really is no one to remember their birthday? It’s almost as if they aren’t supposed to matter any more? My husband remembered because I put it on his calendar every year. No children, no family close by, no friends. 65 in my mind is an important milestone in a life. I bought myself flowers, a balloon and decorated the table. But it feels so pathetic. I came here because for years this forum has always been helpful and supportive. If this happens to you, how do you handle and stop feeling sorry for yourself? ( P.S. I have no friends for deeply engrained psychological reasons stemming from traumatic childhood. Decades of therapy, major behavioral changes, medications, has not yet completely changed this and it may never change). Thank you for being there ❤️
Happy Birthday to you!
Life is short - Love yourself. You have worth. And thank you for sharing with us.
Hope you have a great rest of today and every day!
It always meant something to me that my mom celebrated my birthday or at the very least remembered it, but with dementia, she doesn't even really understand who I am, let a lone know that it is my birthday. That has always been very sad to me, so I know how you feel.
I think you should come up with a ritual that you do on your birthday...something to look forward to. I don't know what you're into, so I am just tossing out ideas that may or may not appeal to you.... Go to a nice restaurant and order the fanciest dessert on the menu, make an appointment for a facial or a massage. Go to the book store and pick out a good book to start reading, sign up for a class teaching something that you have always wanted to learn like pottery or glass blowing or painting. It's your day...make it truly your day. Plan a roadtrip to a town you have never visited and have lunch in a cafe and just people watch.
65 is a milestone in your life. Make this year the start of something new! Once you take the bull by the horns and start doing things for yourself, I think the birthday blues will disappear :-)
You asked how we stop feeling sorry for ourselves. I do so by trying to be kind to others. So in this case I would take it upon myself to remember someone else’s birthday. It doesn’t always take away all the sadness but it helps. And I don’t have any expectations that others will remember my birthday. I always remember to be kind to myself. While I also am also socially awkward, I try to be the one in the room that has a “job.” So if for example, if I decided to volunteer at a soup kitchen, I would be serving the coffee or volunteering to bake something or cleaning the dishes. That way I have a purpose and I can be around others without having to “be social” because I’m busy with a task. I don’t know if that makes sense.
Anyway happy birthday, and yes,
65 is a milestone! All my love!
Jesus loves you more than anyone else in the world.
Focus on your blessings and yes treat yourself to a nice meal with husband. You are precious and worthy!!!!!!!
Every year plan the day for yourself and appreciate who you are.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm an only with very few distant relatives. I only got one card in the mail....from my financial advisor. lol My now ex-husband would fill out paperwork for his job and would have to call me to double check my birthday. He never guessed right after 23 years. The last few years he would wait until a couple weeks into the month and just say that he was busy and that I should just go buy myself something for my birthday. Hallmark moment. The last year, I bought myself a divorce. Remembering with a $100 Cabelas gift card would have been much cheaper for him.
If you want to have people in your life that will remember your milestones, you are going to have to cultivate some relationships to make it be that way.
Next year maybe plan a party for yourself and invite a few people. Have a nice dinner at your house or a local restaurant. In Europe, we had to bring treats in to the office for our co-workers to celebrate our birthdays. So switch it around and help others celebrate you!!
I would be okay with no celebration if I was getting some fresh meat mmmmmmm!
I am glad you were born. Life is precious.
Birthdays are important to some, not so much to others. I knew a woman who didn't celebrate birthdays for religious reasons. Can't remember which religion.
Next year, do something special for yourself. For me, that would be sleeping in and no cooking. That's my gift to myself.
Next year I think you should make a big deal over your birthday. Go find a very fancy French bakery & order an expensive cake for yourself. Then go buy yourself a gorgeous piece of jewelry from 'your husband' and put it on his credit card! Make reservations at a high end restaurant for the two of you and let DH know where you're going and what time to be ready to leave.
Screw it all. If they won't roll out the red carpet for the queen, ROLL IT OUT FOR YOURSELF! You're worth it! And don't ever forget it, either.
Congratulations on a milestone event!
And for decorating your own life as so many of us do.
It does not matter why your husband remembered, at his age, just showing up is all the celebration you get. And, you remembered your own birthday!
Your party sounded perfect!
It was not pathetic, except in your mind.
You made the best of a difficult year, good on you.
When is or was your birthday? If it was today, you are covered. See the What's for dinner thread, where I offered a Happy Birthday to everyone having a late December birthday.
Anyway, you sound like a good person able to celebrate! It is a party all month long!
Happy Birthday M. 💖
Thanks for showing up today! We have lots of birthday cake, from my dH's birthday. We will share, but do not have any candles or balloons this year.
may all your bday wishes come true!!! :) :) :) :)
My Dh forgot and as we were going to bed that night, he said "OH SH*T! Was it your birthday today?" Well, THAT was special :) He's remembered maybe half the time. He routinely forgets mother's day and our anniversary. So, I've come to expect nothing and I'm not disappointed. (Not true, of COURSE I'm disappointed)
Probably why I am SO anal about getting cards with a chunk of money in them to all my kids & their spouses. And get it to them EARLY AND call them on the day.
Oh--and even tho I said no one remembered, I did get a lot of 'love' from FB, but when you've added your birthdate to your profile, it takes some doing to ignore that prompt.
I have never been someone who has set much store in holidays, which include my birthday. And I hate that people feel obligated to gifts and or calls. In fact, to me the calls somewhat become the "obligatory calls" they feel they must make because their calendars just let them know it is my birthday. So personally I cannot identify overmuch, but I do feel bad that YOU feel bad, so first of all, Happy Birthday! It IS a milestone birthday. I face one down next time with 80th. I don't especially look forward to it, hee hee.
You say there aren't friends, or even family, and that you made certain your hubby knew (good idea and what I would know. A reminder "It's my birthday tomorrow" and so on.
Do consider forming those friends in this New Year. A good resolution. I am somewhat reclusive by nature. But I enjoy Facebook, keeping it down to people who are there for the reasons I am, Art, Photography, etc and NOT politics!!!! That's why there's only 70 of them and I know a bit about each for certain over these last 8 years. Media can be good for this.
Other than that, I haven't a lot of suggestions. I DO LOVE that you celebrated yourself by yourself and for yourself; I recommend it, with things that you love, that mean something to YOU.
Sometimes I think on these things as a "teaching" in that the world is FULL of suffering (as well as beauty). Sometimes you can't know what will "make someone's day. Practice a compliment a day. There's always something. Such as I might lean down while exiting the bus to tell someone she has wonderful hair, a wonderful haircut, something small.
I too am kind of an introvert, but was thinking of joining this Tai Chi workout that the senior center has in the spring. Anyone can go over 50, and it's free. Maybe a low-key activity like that would help you find low-key friends for future occasions without stress?
Just a thought. In any case happy birthday. FWIW if you're here next year, just chirp up. I'll remember.