Looking for some advice and suggestions for transitioning my 95 year old father into my home. He has been living independently in his home of 59 years since my mother passed away in 2012 (his wife of 64 years). He is capable of dressing, bathing, cooking etc. but in the last few months has needed more assistance with larger house hold chores and has recently stopped driving. He is the sweetest man there ever was and although he would love to stay in his home, has began feeling uncomfortable and my sisters and I have been taking turns staying with him. He is up for moving in with me and my husband (our 4 children are no longer living at home) and wants that over going to any kind of facility as do we. We plan to set a couple rooms up in our house with furniture and special things from his home to make him feel comfortable but know that this is going to be difficult move for him. Biggest reason to move him is because he has major issues lately with short term memory loss and we feel that he is not safe alone anymore, as does he. Just looking for any suggestions on how to make this transition easiest for him.
His home will be put up for sale, but we plan to move him in with us first and get him settled there so he does not have to see his home emptied, and sold etc.

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Don’t put things off like hiring the help. It’s easier for dad to get used to having someone besides family help him before there is a crisis. Remember you and your husband are also getting older. With four children, things happen. If his transition to your home is successful it will depend in large part on the three of you being able to live your life much as before.
Dad needs you to remain his daughter and not become his bather for instance if that’s possible. You and your husband need to be able to visit your grown children without worrying about dad at home by himself. The grands need to be able to come over and visit and dad have a quieter space to retreat to when he is tired or it’s all too much.
Your siblings need a place to come sit with dad and visit in his space without you always being there and without you feeling like you have to entertain them. Maybe they have a morning of the week to come have coffee with dad and you sleep in. It doesn’t have to be a separate living room. My nephews used to come over and play dominoes or cards with my dad in his bedroom because he had a little table and comfortable chairs in his bedroom. He would also play solitare on an old computer when he couldn’t sleep. He had his westerns going on his tv a good deal of the time. He still spent time in the family room with my mother but she could visit on the phone or visit with lady friends and he had his man cave. They were very comfortable and it was comfortable to visit them. Little things to give him his privacy and you and husband retain yours to a degree.
So much easier to set things up from the get go.
Siblings often wonder why the others don’t visit. Sometimes I think they would like to see their mom or dad more but not so much their BIL or SIL etc.
Good luck and come back to let us know how it’s going.
Oh and make sure dad pays his own way. He retains dignity. You are not spending your retirement funds etc.
Make sure all his legal documents are in place. Don’t have an absent brother being DPOA just because he’s oldest. Set things up to work.
Helpful Answer (2)

Oh, another thing I just thought about. If this is within your budget, hire a cleaning crew to come in weekly or every other week to clean the house.

Oh how I wished I would have done that during the time when I was going over to my parents house to help them with a variety of things.... I would usually find myself way to tired to even think about housework :P
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Karen, it's it great when a parent decides that it time to move from their home because it has become too overwhelming to maintain. My Dad was the same way, time to move, and he was also so very easy going also was in his mid-90's. He was so glad when his house Sold so that money could be put into a money market.

Plan ahead if Dad is going to live with you. Set up Dad's bathroom, if you haven't already, with grab bars in the bathtub/shower. If Dad has mobility problems, like starting to fall, there are grab bars that one can set up around the toilet. My Dad was so glad to have them.

And as Kimber mentioned above, make Dad's rooms like he had them back at his house. I made sure I could set the bed, night stand and highboy in the exact location as to what Dad was use to. That way when Dad woke up in the middle of the night he could see his highboy and know he was in his own room. Don't buy a new bedspread, keep the old one as another sense of familiar.

My Dad also wanted all of his books, we were able to narrow it down to 200 books and his bookcases.  At first I didn't want to deal with all the books but Dad insisted, so I gave in, and glad I did, as once Dad was showing signs of dementia, the books were his cocoon.  
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It sounds as if you have thought this through well and are going about it in the right way. The only thing you don't mention is the possibility of bringing in support for yourself as your father's primary caregiver. I think it would be a good idea to get to know your local home care services now, so that should you need more help in future you will be able to call on familiar faces and your father will be used to the idea of having aides around.

It's a kind of "many hands make light work" idea. The less extra strain there is on you, the more relaxed the general atmosphere will be. And over time you are certain to need help if you are to keep him at home with you.
Helpful Answer (4)

Members of this forum have suggested making his new rooms as much like his home as possible - does he have a special chair or valued possessions that you could bring? Could you bring several of his pieces of furniture and arrange them in the manner they are in his house? Good luck and best wishes for enjoying time with your father in your home.
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