My mother is relatively young (63) she had an aneurysm 16 years ago that has injured her cognitively. I moved several states away about 10 years ago -at the time she was functioning OK, not great but had a little job etc. About 3 years ago her faculties started to decline and I had her move in with me for a while and then she moved into the small rental house that is next door. The health problems have since blown up, the list I of diagnosis is long and her physical ability is rapidly declining.
The biggest thing is that she won't do anything to help the physical situation. EVERY doctor tells her she needs to quit smoking in order to get better. She barely moves out of her chair all day and she eats like a 14 year old -frozen garbage and chocolate bars, candy and soda.
I'm not silly enough to think that diet, exercise and quitting smoking is going to solve all the problems -it won't. But it will certainly improve the situation dramatically.
Without doing at least the minimum to take care of herself I'm pretty sure she will not be even the somewhat independent she is now for long. The next fall (and they are common) can likely end her the hospital at any given time.
I have told her repeatedly that if she doesn't do for herself I can't do for her. I have quit doing any chores at her house that she is capable of and it shows. Currently she can't walk even 100 yards but the only physical reason she can't is because she sits all day long.
I'm very frustrated, I'm an only child and she has no friends (because she refuses to be social) and the little family that is left is states away and /or could care less. Couple this with the fact her personality changed dramatically with the stroke so I'm not even taking care of the same person I grew up with.
What chaps me the most is that I am the one who will be taking care of her when something happens but she doesn't do a thing to stop or slow it down. I have young kids and they are getting more independent by the day while my mother is getting more dependent so I resent it because she doesn't even try.
Anybody else in a similar situation? There is no money for assisted living, she's not quite bad enough for a nursing home, and she doesn't think she needs home health -though she hasn't taken out garbage in a long time and rarely cleans. Any suggestions? Do I just let her go until some big event happens and let her flounder? I've threatened it but she doesn't believe me though I've let her sit n the ER several hours alone a few months ago for a self induced episode (dehydrated)
Sorry just stressed and hoping to get some insight from those who have walked a mile or two.