What is your screaming point?

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My mother tries my patience on a good day but I usually manage to stay calm....failing that I go to my car or garage and scream
Today is a scream day. Firstly she doesnt want me to go out this afternoon for something I have had planned for 6 months. I will be out 90 minutes and providing she goes to the toilet before I go and they lays on the bed no harm can come to her.

So 10 minutes after me reminding her we were having lunch at lunchtime she decided to soil herself royally, followed by the words you cant go out if I am like this all day. Now if she hadnt added those words they would have come to me all on my own but BECAUSE she added them I started to wonder.

Then she said she felt sick and didnt want any lunch - but when I came in very quietly (OK yes I was spying) there she is stuffing her face with biscuits and cake which I leave by her side. She has been awake just over 4 hours and I have been in to speak to her chat wash clean her soiling clean the room 14 times which I think is pushing your luck really.

So what has she just done? Asked for coffee so I made her a latte just as she likes it and she now wants sugar in it - has NEVER taken sugar in anything. Then there was too much coffee in the cup - its dispensed mum it is always that amount.....well its too much Ive always thought so

I could see her fidgeting so I said lets get you across to the commode mum. I dont need to go there ...well I think you do... wasnt gonna happen. I came back in 5 minutes later and despite her reluctance I got her up and here we go again she wet and soiled herself in front of me. You wont be able to go out this afternoon you'll have to ring and cancel.

As I count 1 to 10 and find it needs to be 100000000000 I count to now.
Hmmmm OK lets try my theory. I went out of the room and 'made' a phone call. I know she could hear what I was saying because I was stood right by the door and I spoke louder than usual. When I finished my call, I waited a while then went back in. And what did she say. I feel much better now you could have gone after all

I havent told her yet but I havent cancelled I spoke to the phone not to anyone the other end so at 5pm I AM GOING OUT SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

Whats your screaming point?

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After I wrote that I thought that I really know exactly what I would do if it happened much. I am not nearly so committed to taking care of my mother. When it becomes too hard she'll need to go to a good NH. I dread that day, because I know it is going to be a major battle with lots of anger and resentment. But I know the day will come unless the Lord calls her home first.
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Reply to JessieBelle
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Oh Kate you're doing it all wrong! I take one of two tacks with telemarketers depending on my mood. If they think I am my mother and especially if their first language is not the same as mine I say no you need to speak to my mum and I pass her the phone having turned it on so I can hear both sides of the convo - you have to understand that this is pure entertainment for my benefit....the conversation usually goes like this....
Hello
Good morning is that Mrs XXXX
Hello?
Good morning is that Mrs XXXX
Hello?
Mrs XXXX my name is YYYYY and I am calling from ZZZZZ
Hello?
Hello Mrs XXXXX
What do you want?
My name is YYYYY and I am calling from ZZZZZ I just want to ask you a few questions
Hello?
Usually by this time I am falling on the floor in giggles - the phone calls dont last long

Failing that I do something even worse I suppose. Inmy best stoopid is as stoopid does voice I say
Allo?
Then when they have introduced their garbage I say
Ooooooooooooooh I dont think I can get them to come to the phone its very noisy in their bedroom ducky - them havin sexgames an all - Im just the maid.
Phone is hung up on me - Oh yes another win
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Reply to PhoenixDaughter
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eeeek cwillie dont yell at her or they will call it abuse, for in effect that's the correct term - thats why my garage and my car hear me scream a lot. I can handle the physical save for one thing well two actually vomit and sputum - those two things make me heave. It is the constant demand for attention that drives me crazy ... I tell you I could find places for that bell she has where noone would ever find it...smirks
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Reply to PhoenixDaughter
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I can handle the physical stuff like incontinence, dentures etc pretty well but the loopy mental stuff drives me to distraction!!! She will get into a loop where she calls me for something, and as soon as I leave the room she will call again for the same thing. I am ashamed to say I yelled at her yesterday and told her she was driving me NUTS, she couldn't have another pain pill, she had just been turned over, we already put cream on her knees and STOP CALLING ME!!! I was no sooner sitting in my chair than she is calling again....
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Reply to cwillie
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Right at the moment, I don't have too many "screaming points" with Mom. Still too traumatized from her recent fall and whatever she has going on that could take her from me to be irritable with her, I guess. And she's so pitiful now - keeps crying and saying, "I'm so sorry I made a mess in the bathroom. I'm sorry I'm such a pain. Thank God you're here. Thank you for taking such good care of me!" How can you get irritable with that??

I do, however, want to scream bloody murder whenever a door-to-door salesman comes up on the deck, directly to the door, and never even looks at the "no soliciting" sign, and knocks on the door. I mean, this sign covers it ALL - "No Soliciting. If you don't have an appointment or we don't know you, DO NOT disturb us! -No Charities - No Food or Menus - No House Estimates - No Petitions - No Political Causes - No Religious Appeals - No Salesmen. We don't disturb your work...please don't disturb ours!"

You'd think that would cover it....but nooooo...they come knocking anyway. Today's door-to-door peddler was a special brand of stupid...stood right there while my 90-lb aggressive dog snarled and slobbered and leaped at the door - and he just stood there staring at the dog and waiting for me to come to the door.

I have actually walked out after a local church left a flyer on my door and handed it back to them and told them I don't want them leaving flyers on my door, and referred to the sign on the door. They went down the street to leave more flyers for the neighbors and actually CAME BACK to the door, read the sign and knocked on the door to apologize - which irritated me further. Apology not necessary, and definitely not necessary to come back a second time to knock on the door, disturbing me yet again.

I saw a humorous sign that I love, but it probably wouldn't work:

No Soliciting!
We love our vacuum cleaner
We've found Jesus
We don't need a new roof, driveway or siding
We don't want to buy any meat
We don't vote
...Seriously, if you're not selling Thin Mints....GO AWAY!
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Reply to AnonymousMember
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I have so many scream moments, where do I begin? None are as bad as the one you described, Jude. I hope you enjoy your time out.

My major scream moment of the week was yesterday afternoon. My brother is in town. She is as sweet as pie around him and his wife. Yesterday Mom and I had to go to the doctor. She chatted and was very nice the whole time. On the way home, she talked and talked while I navigated the school-hour traffic, trying to keep us from being on the 5:00 news. Got home and all was fine. After a while she decided to change to her pajamas. I think instead that she found her Ms. Hyde suit in the bedroom. She reemerged as an angry, biting woman. I don't know which is worse -- the chat, chat, chat or the bite, bite, bite. I know she got back in her room and started ruminating about something. She was nasty the rest of the night. All I could think was where was my brother when I needed him. Her sons make Ms. Hyde disappear.

So you see, Jude, not nearly so bad as yours. I don't know what I would do if my mother did what yours did.
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Reply to JessieBelle
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One of my scream moments happened just few days after moving my bi-polar, cluster B personality disorder, dementia having mother in with me to await the senior apartment she would ultimately move into.

I took her into the drug store/apothecary to buy Tenas. We only had a thousand pair already in the house, so clearly more were needed. We put her things in the cart and I went to get some things I needed. She pooped her pants. Right there in the middle of the store. On purpose. And she giggled about it because I could not complete the shopping I needed to do. She was not bowel incontinent at that point in time. Just urinary incontinence.

I spoke not one word to her the rest of the night. I was soon to find out that was just the tip of the scream-worthiness of this woman. Let's say the Riesling and Sangria producers had a very good year courtesy of me at that time.
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Reply to sandwich42plus
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JessieBell I am not so sure there's a difference. the Jekyll and Hyde traits drive me to screaming point. nothing I do is right I do at all but my daughter is an angel. However when my daughter lived with her and I visited the reverse was true. PS My mother drove my daughter to a complete nervouse breakdown - Im not planning on letting her do that to me. As for her darling koala he's on death row!
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Reply to PhoenixDaughter
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My sister peg, a geriatric nurse by profession, does none of the work associated with having Dad at home. She visits for ten minutes once a month, and feels she has done her duty. Last weekend Dad, who is suffering hallucinations and delusions, was up every hour on the hour. When i realized one of the medicines was causing it, he calmed down. After four days of no sleep, I asked my sister Helen to come Monday and Tuesday to let me sleep. Peg showed up, and helped for 4 hours, I didn't get the relief, Helen did. That night with everyone gone, my Dad starts on me, Peg is so wonderful, why don't i treat her better. I snapped. We had a knock down drag out fight. I slammed the door and went upstairs. My poor Dad thought I was leaving him. I heard pitiful moans, when I ran down to investigate, Dad had soiled himself. I told him that leaving was off the table, I am just mad at you, as long as you know what is happening to you, you will be at home, I promise. Dad said he loves both of us, that Peg was is child, but I do so much for him. I melted and instantly forgave him. We got cleaned up, and had ice cream.

The screaming came that night reflecting on that b--tch Peg. It's not enough she won't do anything, she must make me appear the villain. So selfish, so lazy, I don't have a problem with mean people, but mean people disguised as nice people sends me screaming into the night. After much reflection, I decided to forgive Peg, before I had a heart attack, this anger only hurts me and Dad. Somehow when I pity you, you no longer seem worth any other emotion. Pray for me, I am in for a rough ride, as Dad's Parkinson's goes into stage 5.
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Reply to kathyt1
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My screaming point was when Mom sat on the potty 1:30 one morning and then refused to get off and go back to bed. She stayed on it for 1 hr. and I tried everything, even resorting to living in her world.....'I need to go potty. You have to get up so I can go. I'm going to tell your momma you wouldn't let me use the potty'....she told me to go outside!
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