My mother (69) is in need of more help than I can give. Anyone relate?


Hi all, I'm new here, and new to all of this. My mother is 69 years old and this last year has been a huge eye opener to her need for so much more than I can provide.

Background. I am an only child to her, my father and her divorced in 1975 and she never remarried. I have taken care of her emotionally since I was 4 years old, financially off and on all my life, and now that she is physically suffering... well... it's getting out of control.

She has always had issues with weight and some mental issues, depression, insomnia - found she was diagnosed Bipolar in the early 80's but never really treated and still not if this is true. She had stayed relatively physically healthy but always had a crazy schedule, a messy home, financial issues. Now diagnosed with COPD learning how to manage medication, mobility issues at 330 lbs, oxygen... we are way over our heads.

She was admitted to the hospital 6 months ago and then went to Rehab and ended up there for 2 months as they didn't feel it was safe for her to go home to her apartment ( not handicap accessible, stairs, etc.) With the 24/7 care and schedule there my mom looked better than she has in years!!!! Since she's on Medicare/Medicaid when a bed opened she had to move and they moved her to a Long-term area of the hospital and oh my God - it was horrible for her! Within a week and with the support of her Therapist and Primary Dr to release her to go home as we all felt it was better than staying there.

Well.... here we are, 3 months later and she's worse off than ever. We are looking to get in home help that is consistent - I absolutely can not do any more than I am. We have a medicaid waiver interview this week and I hope we can get help to keep her home.

I know she would be physically healthier with 24/7 care - but she is 69!

Can anyone else relate? Do you have a younger Parent with all of these needs??? I am lost... but glad I found all of you.

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kamikay, one thing you may want to look into is the PACE program. This program is designed for people receiving Medicare or Medicaid and who want to stay at home, rather than a nursing facility. I don't know anyone who has used the program, so can't say anything from personal experience. It does sound like your mother would be a good candidate. Here is a link that tells a bit about it.
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Yes I am in that boat. Mom is 70 went blind and can walk from neuropathy. Has mental issues depression over weight. Has been in and out of the hospital for 5 years now. She is now very depressed because of the situation. My stepdad has heath issue himself and his health declined taking care of her. She has 24/7 aide when she's home but they can't handle her it take 2 people to het her up. I have been crying for 3 day because she just got out of the hospital with sepsis for the 4 time and I think she is done. I can't take the suffering she is going through and the nursing homes in New York Long Island treat patients like animals
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So sorry you haven't had an answer in all this time.   I wish I could relate to the age thing, but I was your Mom's age trying to take care of my parents who were in their 90's.

Yikes, long-term-care probably was so depressing for your Mom.   She probably didn't find anyone of her own generation there to make friends with.   My Mom was in long-term-care at 98.   Half the patients there couldn't walk or talk due to dementia issues.

Can your mother get around at home?   Or do you need to transfer her from bed, to wheelchair, to bathroom?   That in itself can be so exhausting.   My Mom was only 80 lbs and I couldn't lift her if my life depended on it.   It was like trying to pick up an 80 lb weight at the gym.

Is Medicaid offering any care help?   Like an Aide to come in for a couple hours per day?   A physical therapist?   A dietician?
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