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My mom believes my adult son took her white jacket with pink sleeves and wanted to move out. I told her he did not, and asked her what he would do with it. She said she saw him take it and even followed him. She can barely walk without her cane. Anyway, she is very upset with me for not believing her and believing only in my son. She said she can't live with someone that won't believe her and thinks of her as crazy. She's making it very difficult for me to administer her meds and insulin. She'd rather eat snacks than take a meal coming from me. She stays in her room and won't socialize with the family. I am stressing and thinking about it at work. My son is afraid to approach her in case seeing him will trigger her anger. I don't know what to do.

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I want to point out that most of us, at the outset, think of dementia as being "memory loss".

Sometimes, yes.

But moreso, it indicates a loss of reasoning skills and executive functioning. Many folks with dementia lose the ability to "reason from facts". Instead of
My sweater/jewelry/money is missing, Let me look for it/try to recall what I did with it/ask someone

it becomes

My "x" is missing, it's been stolen. The next person I see, THAT'S who stole it.

It's very much like the illogical reasoning of a very small child. Except that it's your parent; the one who TAUGHT you how to reason.

It's heart-breaking, I know.

((((hugs))))))
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Exactly what Barb said. Make sure your son sees the Teepa Snow seminars, too. It's just horrible, feeling that the person you're supposed to look after suspects you - it will really help him if he understands what's going on in her head and how to reassure her.
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careformickey Nov 12, 2018
Thank you!
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So, your mom has dementia. Her brain is broken. And her favorite jacket is missing!

Her broken brain is doing the logical thing...finding the culprit.

She's upset and angry. Empathize with that feeling. Do NOT try to persuade her of her illogical thought process.

Google Teepa Snow. She's got great videos on how to do this.

(Oh mom, your favorite jacket! That's so upsetting! Let me check son's room").

If this is a sudden change in mental status, be sure to have her checked for a UTI.
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careformickey Nov 12, 2018
Thanks Barb for your advise. I wish I had known how to respond to mom. I hope mom will forget.
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