New here. Mom has smoked since early teens and now 75. Smoking directly and indirectly affected her health and after two awful cases of pneumonia finally was officially dx with COPD/emphazema and macular degeneration (legally blind in one eye), as well as very limited mobility (hip problem) and variety of other health issues because of refusal to see a doctor due to smoking throughout her life. She can barely make it from the front door to the car. Her health is in steep decline. She never drove freeways before and now has two specialists require an over 30 min drive and lengthy appointments. I'm the primary caregiver (another post for another day). She continues to smoke even though all of this. Recently due to making a ton of commitments on my end -- both financially as she is in huge debt and taking her appointments, shopping, chores, etc. you know the drill -- asked her to make a commitment to stop smoking. She didn't. So I'm the bad guy and judgemental according to my sisters and should mind my own business even though they aren't committing to help. I basically told my sister it is affecting me greatly and tried to communicate how but was cut off continually that ended badly as I just left after not feeling heard and apparently I'm the selfish one. Just this Christmas after my brother took her one time to an appointment and told me he won't do it again, I asked her again to make a commitment to stop smoking again. I told her I would buy any cessation, take her to appointment about that, and provided her with nicotine anonymous info ( phone and online meetings). She is well aware about addiction and used to go to ala-non due to her ex, but doesn't equate the two addictions. This entire process has been eye opening to say the least. I look down the future at her health diving further and am sad about that. she continues to smoke needing more and more care, and I see my commitment increasing. My aunt asked me how the job hunt was going last year and I explained how only part time was available in this area, and my aunt asked if I was considering moving. My mom answered (before I could) that I better not. I started this process during the initial diagnoses for eyesight and COPD trying to communicate with my brothers and sisters, especially because at first she couldn't during pneomonia but as it became clear I was becoming the primary caregiver because it was summer and I had a more flexible schedule (though still working full time!) I was feeling pent up resentment and anger and everything I read said you need to communicate but basically was shunned when I did so. I'm unsure what to do about the smoking part. Should I set any sort of boundary? What is healthy? I don't want to be cruel but don't want more resentment and I care about her health. I set a boundary for money saying we provide X amount and any food you need a month, this was helpful as I don't feel resentful that she is still buying cigarettes which she can't afford. I tried saying I'd take her to every 5th appointment because she has 5 kids who live an hour or less from her and I work both full time and part time, and looking for a job. But that isn't working. Suggestions? Anyone else dealing with habits that make disease worse, but expected to help more?