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Hi there!


My 90 year old mother may move in with me. We get along great but I know there are going to be a lot of things that will happen that I’m probably not prepared for. If anyone would like to give me some pointers I’d really appreciate it.


A few things...mom can’t walk without help. She uses a walker or wheelchair. About the only things she can do on her own are go to the bathroom & feed herself. I give her a bath, wash & set her hair, prepare her meals, shop, clean, take her to doc appointments, the whole bit. She can’t be left alone either so that’s another consideration as far as me being able to go anywhere. I am 62, widowed (no children) and retired.


Her memory is getting spotty. She forgets a lot but with prompting she can recall things. She knows who everyone is yet. She doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s. Her health is pretty good overall considering her age. She has incontinence (sp ?) and wears Depends.


Those are are pretty much the highlights I think. So, if you’d care to give advice that’d be great.


Thanks much,


Lynn

My mom has lived with us for almost 5 yrs now. Built a house so she could live with us in an "in-law suite" (living room, bedroom, ensuite bathroom) She has COPD & Oxygen 24/7. I've realized over the years as her health has declined that she has become more 'needy' for me. She never used to be afraid of things, but it seems like she is so unsure of everything now. I'm 40 something and I've figured out that I'm just not that good at care-giving. My step-daughter helps which I'm super thankful for, but I do what I can. Sounds like your mom is doing pretty well all things considered. I wish you all the best in your new living arrangements :-)
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Reply to VictoriaP
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don't forget about yourself. don't put yourself last everyday. even in a facility, those aids go home everyday and are replaced by the new shift. I hope you can enjoy your time together and its not all 'work'.
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Reply to wally003
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I worked for a Visiting Nurse Assoc. One of my jobs was loaning out durable equipment. Back then Hi risers just sat on the toilet and fit depended on if the bowl was round or oval. Some had handles but we found the elderly didn't feel secure with these. So we suggested commodes if ur bathroom was big enough. The commode has a bar across the back that can be removed. The commode has its own seat cover so you can remove the toilet seats or just put them up. The commode, if new, should come with a bucket and a splash guard. You will use the guard. The legs can be adjusted but the splash guard needs to be past the rim of the toilet bowl. Because of the legs, the person has more stability and you have arms to make standing easier.

High risers have come a long way. Moms was attached to the toilet and was hinged for easy clean up or for a man.

The suction bars are OK. I had one for Mom. I had a man pull on it and he almost pulled my surround off the wall. Shower chairs are good. A hand held shower with a long hose. I put things in reach in a sitting position. The $1 stores sometimes have plastic suction cup holders. One I got was the soap holder. The other was a toothbrush holder. The holes for the toothbrushes were good for shavers. The cup holder part was good to hold shampoo. Suction cup hooks good for washclothes or nylon scrubbies.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Forgot something. You say she uses a walker and wheelchair. Encourage the use of a walker as much and as long a possible. This will keep her legs and arms strong and once she "looses her legs" you will be lifting on her (not good for you). Ask her doctor about in-home physical therapy. Very important.
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Reply to dlpandjep
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Sounds like you're pretty much caring for her already. You might consider a bed-side commode (my Mother loves hers) or a handicapped toilet accessory. There's a large selection on line. She should have one with arms, and possibly a riser seat. Remove all rugs in her way. You say you bathe her - depending on whether you do this in the shower or tub, she will need a shower seat and grab bars. I use suction grab bars, but you need to check them regularly to make sure they are tight. You will probably receive a lot of advice and consider it carefully. This is a big/life changing commitment. When the time comes, your doctor may recommend home health. They can be a big help and give you lots of advice.
Bless you for your devotion to your precious Mother. Keep us informed!
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Reply to dlpandjep
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rocketjcat is right. A mobile person doesn't always realize how difficult it is to navigate a house that’s not handicap accessible. You can have a visiting nurse come by and evaluate both your mom and your home. Also, when disposing of her depends, make certain they are tied up in a plastic grocery bag. Our trash company refused to take the trash once when they saw my husband’s Depends in there.

Make sure Mom has something to occupy her time. Even if it’s just helping with the dishes and kitchen clean-up. Boredom can lead to restlessness and no sense of purpose and that tends to make one crabby.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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dlpandjep Sep 1, 2018
I love the way you tell it like it is - I learn a lot from you!
(1)
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Forget enjoying retirement unless your mother is willing and able to pay for some regular caregivers to come and give you some regular breaks. Also, don't be surprised if she tries to treat you like a little girl once again after she gets in your house.
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Reply to cmagnum
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My first thoughts are regarding whether your house is handicap accessible? Are there wide pathways thru the house without running into area rugs and stuff? Can her walker and wheelchair fit through the doorways? Will she be able to get into the bathroom and turn around? Get in and out of the shower safely? Grab bars? Any stairs? Will her bedroom and bathroom be on the main floor without stairs to climb? Will she and you be able to have some privacy and alone time in separate areas of the house? It’s one thing to visit and take care of her needs, but 24/7 presence is much more stressful. Think a couple of years down the road, and try to plan ahead for her capabilities.

You will probably get lots of conflicting advice that this is either a great idea, or you’re nuts for trying. I think a lot will depend on the answers to the above questions. I’m sure more posters will give you more to think about.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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