Mom is 85 and in need of some financial aid or care. My dad was a WWII (one of the first navy seals), he passed away left my mom a widow in 1962. Mom raised three children and later in life remarried and divorced. The VA has denied assistance and the reason because my mother had remarried. The Assisted living want to provide all kinds of services (the cost are more than she can afford) if mom does not meet nursing home requirements, than I would have to take her into my home. I cannot help mom with all her needs. What can I do? I have called for assistance, and I have been passed from the VA benefits to writing congressman to meeting with nursing home staff, I have called medicaid and I have hit dead ends everywhere, should I hire an attorney? I am lost with all the needs and fiancial burdens. I do not know what to do and it is only getting worse. Moms health is declining and I cannot provide her needs, but I am worried that I may have to do what I can until one of us dies... I love my mother very much and have been her caregiver for years but the burden and financial needs are coming to a head.... Can anyone advise me .. If mom where to live with me I am afraid it would destroy me and my marriage... what should I do... ?? A loving son...

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Health and senior missouri..... Even just talking to a nursing home social worker or their finance dept. they will tell you what to do, to get paid. Also, an Elder attorney not a regular one they know all the resources and what your options would be. Call her insurance company, if one. she might just have to go thru all of her resorces then become destitute and apply for medicaid. The i.r.s. has a look back clause of 5 years, you can't just write yourself a check and make it look like she's broke. I'm sorry your going thru this frustration. If I have learned anything from all of this, is to buy long term care insurance so it won't be a catastrophe for anyone, when it's our time.
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Have you contacted her doctor for a referral to Home Health Care? Medicare takes care of most if not all of their services. A social worker will advise you of all the options available after their evaluation. Does she have a home to sell to pay for Nursing Home/assisted living facility? Do you have other siblings that could assist financially or physically with her care?

I am so sorry it has gotten to this point for you; however, there are lots of services available. Starting first with her doctor would be your best bet.

Best of luck!
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