You've all been so kind and helpful in past posts. As "the inevitable" is now occurring, it was a bad stroke and she's refusing nourishment. She has a DNR, so her time is approaching quickly.

Even though she's been a handful (my past posts) my God I love her so dearly & am more than crushed I may have quickened her departure from this world. There is a connection with those of weak hearts, I can find 1 link on, so far. Its a crap-shoot.

I know the NH wants everyone vaccinated especially the way flu and pneumonia ravage their way through these places each winter. It was our choice. Mom wasn't really in to it - said she never got the flu shot - she hadn't these past 2 or 3 years because her dementia had taken over those decisions.
Her friend told me last night that Mom never ever got the flu shot, when Mom told me she went every year.

Her friend suggested she had been fibbing to me about getting it in years past: it was an old "issue" raised it's head annually. I don't like them, and we always seemed to pick opposing sides.

She was doing so well, and we didn't argue anymore, I know she's in her mid-nineties so I get that she was graced with a full long life.

I know life is like that. Doesn't make the sorrow easier to deal with right now, anyway. I've just added to it that I may have caused my Mother's demise and I hate the medical "establishment" more than I ever thought I could.

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I'm one to research everything and worry about all the rare side effects. I did not have flu shots for years, but once I hit 40 and had some medical issues, I was all in. Once mthr did not remember one minute to the next, I started giving her the flu shot to protect other people in her home who might be in a better place mentally but have a compromised immune system. The memory care would have to put into place so many precautions (isolation) if she were to get the flu that she would be miserable. It's a well thought out choice for both of us. We can't help what happens after that is made as there could be drawbacks on both sides. Wishing you peace!
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Incidents of flu are much more common than a stroke. In very elderly, it can bring on pneumonia and kill, about 50%. So the benefits are worth the risk The stroke was a coincidence
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I"m so sorry about your mother's situation, but, I would agree that if there is no warning about stroke after flu shot, then, it's likely because there is no proven connection. Generally, when someone has a health crisis after having a flu shot, the problem could have happened anyway. The way that I look at it, is that it's a risk vs. benefit decision. The risk of getting the shot is low, but, the risks of not getting it are high, because getting the flu for seniors, the disabled or those with compromised immune systems can be fatal. Even young, healthy people die from the flu. It almost put my healthy, 40 year old brother in the hospital. I don't think a senor would have survived it.

I've examined the facts about flu shots and for me it's a no brainer. Of course, it's a personal decision. When someone decides they don't like flu shots, it's up to them. But, I would discuss it with my doctor and really examine the risks.
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Just in the midst of the grief here, mixed with angst. As the sun re-appears, the earlier notions I had that Barb referred to... no flu shot and she dies of pneumonia because she never got the flu shot.

While at a small function since, it was actually nursing home staff from other facilities who winced when I told them of the timing - it was from their related experiences that I cemented my earlier conclusion of the relationship in this situation.

I understand life is a crap shoot.
Please excuse my late-night post. Just a form of grief I went and posted on the internet.
My opinion on the flu shot remains the same as in research, research.
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Sadie, I'm so sorry about your mother's stroke.

Your and your mother's choice to accept the jab did not cause her stroke. I *promise* you. Your mother's heart was already weak, is that right? Then the likeliest thing is that a clot had been building up in a tiny little recess in her heart chamber over the course of weeks or months until it finally detached itself and travelled to her brain. This is almost a completely random event. Nothing you or her doctor did could either prevent it or trigger it.

That does not make this awful time any easier for you, I know. Hugs, and please keep in touch.
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Sadie, I'm so sorry that your mom had a major sttoke.

My mom had a stroke two days after her 90th birthday party. It was a somewhat stressful day, taking mom out of her usual Independent Living Facility, having a dozen loving family members around, lots of rich food, people asking her questions.

Did that stress cause her stroke? I doubt it.

In the same way, I doubt that your mom's flu shot caused her stroke. Just because two events happen close to each other does not indicate that one caused the other.  

I think as human beings, we ascribe great powers to ourselves, thinking that we have the ability to cause or prevent untoward things from happening to our loved ones.  If your mom caught the flu and died of pneumonia (which is a far more likely event, statistically, both at her age and given that she lives in a NH), you'd blame yourself for not getting her the flu shot. 

At her age (and at my mom's age), SOMETHING is going to cause a decline in health.  We can take precautions, but we can't  prevent decline or death in the very elderly. 
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In my humble opinion I really doubt the vaccine had anything to do with your mom's stroke, it was just a terrible coincidence.There is no shortage of information on line about some horrible side effects from flu shots, but just because people write about it, even believe it, doesn't make any of it true, and unfortunately presenting any opinion or study to dispute their belief just gets you labelled as a fool or a shill for big pharma. If this is your belief then I'm sorry, I can't help you.
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