MIL who has advanced dementia and many chronic health conditions (heart issues, kidney failure, strokes, clogged arteries, etc) has started refusing her medications and food. For two days, she has refused all food we have offered as well as her medications. She also has severe depression. She has slowed down in recent weeks, not loving around as much, sleeping more, and eating noticeably less. However, unsure how to proceed here. Afraid of a heart attack or stroke occurring. Do we talk to her doctor? Being her to the ER? She has so many health issues that without food and medication something will surely occur soon. She says she has “no desire to live any
ore.” Is this common with dementia?
And with all the health issues she has going on you can't blame her for not wanting to live anymore, so why prolong the inevitable by bringing her to a doctor or ER? All they will do is try and keep her alive. And for what? To keep living in misery?
There are no happy endings with dementia, so let her go in peace.
Sorry for your sad situation. I don't see prolonging what sounds to me like a fairly miserable life. I would want to let what happens, happen. But that's just me.
Best of luck and Godspeed to you and your family.
Where does she live?
Is she getting any meds for depression?
If not, why not?
Has her MPoA spoken to her doctor about hospice care?
I have a 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia and she now mostly yells, "God, help me! Help me, Jesus!" a lot. I would not think she is cogent enough to understand that not eating would help brings things to an end sooner. dementia?
If she was on hospice, this would be considered kind of normal, at an announcement like that they would have their social workers or chaplains etc talking with her about her emotional state in regards to her health and state of being right now. As she is not on hospice and therefore doesn't have those resources already on hand to be dispatched quickly, I would contact them ASAP. You can call her PCP and see if there is a hospice group that they work with/prefer to use for their patients. They can at least help her with medications that will keep her comfortable - whether it is the body shutting down to prepare for death, *or* depression, they can handle both -- and they work with the primary care dr in caring for the patient. It's not automatic withdraw of all sorts of meds and the like either - you can choose to have hospice basically do "everything possible" that can be done at home (no IVs though I dont think) And if the patient wants they can basically call and say "Nah I'm going to go to the hospital now instead" and hospice can discharge them. They're not "locked in" to home hospice care or anything like that. From what I read, more often than not hospice is called in too late versus too early. So if MIL is at this stage it is starting to border on possibly too late.
So please do call PSP/Drs and get hospice arranged. Their work is to make the transition as comfortable as possible, which yes includes her mood as well. As all situations just be a good advocate for her care. <3
I think if we are in tune with ourselves, we know we are dying. I would call the doctor, tell him what is going on and request Hospice. You don't say how old Mom is but I think she knows its her time. She is tired. The meds are probably just prolonging the inevitable. I would in no way take her to ER just to be poked and prodded. Last thing my Mom wanted in her final months was to be touched.
In fact long before she died, she would often say, “I eat a ‘little’ only because I know that I have to eat to survive. I am not hungry.”
Appetites can dramatically decrease for some individuals as they age. They can be suffering with anxiety and depression. Or problems with their teeth or swallowing. Their taste buds aren’t the same, upset stomachs and so on.
It’s true that some people eat more when depressed or anxious but others lose their appetite.
A person will not have an appetite near the end of their life. I wouldn’t force them to eat.
As far as wanting to die. My mom lived to be 95 and she would gladly have checked out of life much sooner. Who can blame someone for feeling this way when their quality of life has diminished so drastically?
Hospice was wonderful with my mom and our family. I wouldn’t hesitate to utilize their services.
Wishing you peace during your caregiving journey.