My mother (although I refer to her as my brother's mother) will be 90 next month. She had a major stroke in 2009 emergency craniotomy. The surgeon said she should have died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and chances of surviving brain surgery weren't good. Well she survived. She lived at home until March 16th, 2020. The day everything shut down due to covid. Amazingly I got her into a NH that morning.
My brother's mother would have never won mother of the year. She was always irritated. Never got out of her recliner. Chain smoked and ate chocolate. I grew up with zero affection. Never one *I love you*
This brings us to today. Last week the NH called to say she had been restless and someone had to watch her non stop because they were afraid she was going to fall. She has been using a cane. I had a walker with a seat delivered the next day. I spoke with her mobile Dr. and she upped her zoloft. And I requested a urine test for a UTI.
Today the NH said she is really nasty was walking in circles and fell. They said she had no signs of pain or bruising. She is cussing out everyone and *saying really nasty things to everyone* The Dr said she is stage 6 dementia. This is a 6 bedroom home that has been remodeled for a nursing home. It is very nice high end part of town. I can see it now, they are going to tell me that they are no longer able to let her live there. She doesn't recognize me or my brother or grandkids. She has zero quality of life. Dual incontinence. As others here on the forum have said it's difficult to be responsible for the care of an aging narcissistic mother who would never do same for you.
Has anyone been here at the end of their rope? What kind of sedative will calm her? I really don't want her to fall and break a hip ☹
I will check on the results of the UTI in the morning when I call her Dr.
Thank you for always being a light at the end of this long, dark, scary dementia tunnel.
Agitation in a dementia patient can be caused by a UTI or other infection, a stroke, broken bone, bedsore or other pain.
Sometimes an anti-psychotic like Seroquel is the answer.
Say it. Set it to music and SING IT. Paint it in finger paints, oils or acrylics.
Employees at any residence for seniors with dementia has heard any and every offensive word in existence, and a claim that their employees are upset by “really nasty things” being said to them may be an indicator that that staff is not very savvy or very well trained.
Words are only words. Even the “I love you” that you never heard is inconsequential at this point. You grew to adulthood as a compassionate woman, and you’re doing what needs to be done.
The “light” is within your grasp. Be as objective as you’re able to be, leave her care to her caregivers, and enjoy your own.
like beatty said, the NH deal with this every day. They will have strategies for falls; my dad had sensor alarm on the floor for when he got out of bed, etc and frame was much better for him than sticks,
UTIs wise Dad had a lot of them and I could see them coming by his mood. I found that hard. Brilliant that you’ve asked for a UTI test.
the Zoloft will help, but that’s likely to take time to effect.
sending you hugs x
"What kind of sedative will calm her?" Dr's responsibility.
"I really don't want her to fall and break a hip ☹". Of course not. You have provided a new walking aide. Besides the NH implementing fall reduction strategies (alarms, low bed, supervision) - falls & fractures are not within your control.
"I will check on the results of the UTI in the morning when I call her Dr". Good.
Otherwise can a Doctor visit? For falls investigation?
If there was another stroke, what would be any treatment?
It's a hard thing to realise there is only so much within your control. You have my sympathies. (((Hugss)))