Hi all, I am new here. My father has been in the hospital with many health problems for over two weeks now. To list the most severe, end-stage renal disease and a CHF exacerbation. He has been struggling with diabetes for years, and is currently on a ventilator and CTT dialysis in ICU.
A week ago, I dropped everything and went to see him. He is in Florida, while I am 3,200+ miles away in the Pacific Northwest. The ~6,500 mile round trip, on top of the stress, took nearly everything out of me. I stayed in a hotel near his hospital, because his home situation is... less than ideal.
For the past several years, my father has had a live-in relationship with a woman. To put it politely, she has a very extensive history with law enforcement and openly admits to being an active drug addict. The entire family has pleaded with him to move back out west (he does not have any other family in Florida, but moved there to retire with his wife who passed over a decade ago) - but to no avail. I personally got him very close to moving in with my husband and myself a few times, but he backed out last minute each time. He told me this woman has "dangerous friends." I told him we could still extract him diplomatically, and that there are all kinds of resources for seniors to help him.. but he refused every time.
This woman has already stolen from him since he's been in the hospital. When the stolen card was shut off, she launched a hateful, ugly tirade on everyone in the family, trying threats, intimidation, sob stories, screaming... anything she could try to get someone to pick up funding her habits (it did not work). She has had almost no concern for my father through all of this, but has only gone on and on about how she deserves to never have to work again because she was there for him when he needed an ambulance.
I am completely mentally and emotionally exhausted, and absolutely torn apart that I have so little power to help from so far away. If this were different, if my dad didn't have violent junkies living in his home, deeply embedded in every facet of his life, if he had let us help him any of the dozens of times we tried over the last several years, none of this would be happening. I could stay in his house and be there with him at the hospital every day. I want desperately to go there, but in ICU, visitors are only allowed for a period of 10-20 minutes at a time. The nurse told me that while he is sedated, all I will end up doing is sitting worrying in a hotel room for most of the day (as I did while I was there last week) because I would not be allowed to sit at his bedside like I could in a regular room.
Please, anyone with any resources, advice, or guidance, please let me know what I can do. I don't know how to help.