She lies and steals things. Not just things worth $12. $100s of dollars from people before, items over 100 dollars. Anything she can get her hands on. You can also blame the dementia but some of it is straight up spite because we have put locks on the bedroom doors. She used to go in our rooms and steal and hide things. When confronted she remembers. She didn’t forget and you can tell she did it to be spiteful because she gets angry. Keep in mind she was abusive her whole life so this is not new behaviour but as caregivers we can not handle it.
An organization called Good Counsel helps pregnant women without anywhere to go. They say they operate across the US, providing housing, job search help, childcare, and lots of other resources. https://help.goodcounselhomes.org
The American Pregnancy Association has lists of resources for housing, financial assistance, counseling, etc. https://americanpregnancy.org
Best wishes for finding relief for yourself and your child very soon.
https://directory.herplan.org/
Lucy, I'm sorry you got derailed by the covid job loss, and caught up with so many dysfunctional family dynamics, with your own family and now this one. You've done what you could under these circumstances to help. I hope you'll be able to get some the assistance you need, between the government social services and the non-profit groups, to get out of the current home and into a fresh start for you and your baby. Put your full-time attention to that. I know it will be a challenge with the distractions but you can do it.
This woman has Dementia. Stealing is a symtom. They no longer can reason and have lost their filter. Short-term memory means they can't remember what they did after 5 min. Locking bedroom doors is a good thing. This is your life right now. Dementia has no rhyme or reason. Its unpreditable.
The POA can get her declared incompetent to make decisions for herself. Actually his POA is not invoked until he does that, unless the POA is immediate. Once he does that, he can place her. No money, the POA files for Medicaid. Your problem is, her house if she owns it. Either you or her son will need to prove that you have been her caregiver for at least 2 years to be able to remain in it.
You received the answers you did because we did not have the full story. There are resources for you and your baby as a single mother. Make an appointment with your local Social Services. You may be able to get section 8 housing. If the sons fo not want to care for their Mom, if you move out, they can call APS saying Mom is a vulnerable adult and they are not able to care for her. Then the State will take over her care. The POAs will be revoked.
She is not related to you.
She has both a POA and someone who is "acting as POA".
Essentially you are unpaid help and are dependent upon her.
The answers lie in independence.
Not an easy fete. That involves a real job, savings enough until you can rent a room in someone's home. Then continuing savings and education and work until you can get an efficiency or roommate situation.
It involves moving on with your life.
When you are ready to give that a try you will inform the POA/acting POA the date you are exiting the premises. Meanwhile, you will need to keep your savings locked away safely in a bank account and your wallet in your pocket!
UPDATE:
I just read that not only were you homeless, but now you are also pregnant.
My hope is that you will not keep and attempt to raise this child. I really don't have further advise for you, and to be honest, I despair.
Welcome to the Forum.
It isn't clear to me what is going on here. You might want, if you intend to stay on Forum any amount of time, to fill in your profile. Meanwhile, before answering, I need a little information. The answers you can provide us make all the difference. I've read answers given you below, and your responses. It sounds to me as thought you are living with "Her"?
You also say that she has a POA who has neglected his legal duty to her and put his "brother" in charge. And that they won't place her because they are interested in the home. So I've a few further questions:
1. What is your relationship to this woman? Are you a daughter or granddaughter?
2. You are living with her in her home?
Are you living with her rent free, giving care in exchange for room and board?
Are you otherwise paid by any care contract drawn by the current acting POA?
3. Is the elderly woman diagnosed with dementia? If yes, what kind?
4. How long have you been living with this woman?
Just assuming that you are currently living with her, yet are not her POA my advice would be to tell both the "assigned POA" and the "acting POA" that you will be moving by ___________(choose a date), and that caregiving for her is not working for you. You don't need to make explanation or argument; a simple notification will do as you are here under no legal obligation to stay.
If you feel your leaving on that date isn't addressed by the POAs then I would call APS and report this elderly woman to authorities as "a senior at risk" at the point you exit the home. Give APS (or sheriff or police) the name and phone numbers of the acting POA and the assigned POA.
Best of luck to you. But if you are not POA but ARE living and caregiving here you are for all intent and purpose powerless in your own life. And in hers.
I hope you will update us.
I an not her biological granddaughter, but she has always been a grandmother. I have been living here for 3 years and I pay rent as well as help out with her care. Though that was not part of the original agreement. I was sent here by my mom when I reached out to her because I was going to be homeless. My mom then reached out and contacted her ex who helped raise me as they had an extra room.
I have no where else to go and have recently found out I am pregnant.
We have been looking for a place but my wallet was “misplaced” (aka the elderly lady I am living with threw it out) so I have spent the last year trying to get ID as I had to get my birth certificate.
The lady I live with is 82 and was diagnosed with sarly dementia over 4 years ago now. Since then it has progressed. As well as already having been medicated for bipolar. She was financially abusive in her younger years to the point where her husband had to worry about finances. So I really do feel stuck.
Tell her that if she doesn't stop you will have no choice but to put her in a care facility, it may work. If her mental status is considered impaired, you will have to go to court to get the power of attorney rights to make choices for her.
When confronted with stealing she straight up denies it. When she is presented with proof or shown that we know she is lying she gets even more upset. She says that this is her house and she can do what she wants.
I also spend many nights as her acting caregiver but have no actual rights. As her son asks me to look after her so he can go out and not only be looking after his mother. However I dont feel like I can even say no because he will still go even if I say im not watching her. Then blame me if anything happens cause it doesnt mean he isnt going out.
If no one is her PoA, you need to figure out another strategy to deal with her. But getting her accurately diagnosed would be a start. There are other medical issues that can cause memory problems and dementia-like symptoms, such as a UTI, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, stroke, etc. some of which have treatments that may lead to improvement.
If she was abusive and possibly mentally ill, and now may have dementia, contact social services for your county to discuss the courts assigning her a legal guardian to get her out of the house and into a facility. If it is her house though, you will need to move out. The guardian won't allow you to stay there.
They wont due to their fear of their mothers reaction theres been discussions of homes with her from both of them. Neither are willing to upset her and actually place her in one cause of the house.